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"Luke's Diary" Pt. 8 |
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"Luke's diary”
PART 8
Rating:PG 18
Summary: It's Luke's diary
Characters: Luke
Genre:This story is A.U.
Warnings:Sexual situations and some slight language
Disclaimer: This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.
December 4
Friday
Noah and I drove to a Christmas tree place after we finished work. There are acres and acres of woods and a large cabin in the center of it all that serves hot drinks and food. They also rent out cross country skis for the trails (no snow yet) and ice skates for the large pond. (not frozen yet either) The place was awesome! They let people cut their own trees or chose a pre-cut one. We decide to cut one down. We walk on a trampled path into the woods filled with firs, spruce... all kinds of Christmas trees. My muscular hunky man told me to pick one out once we got past the young trees. Of course he shot down the ones I chose. He shook his head and commented on every single one. It's too thin, thick, tall, short, sparse, or wrong type of needles. My personal favorite was 'You have got to be fucking kidding me!' said with a laugh and a tap on my butt. I told him I didn't want a 'perfect' tree. I want the one I saw with the uneven branches and the bare spot in the back. I want one that no one wants. I feel sorry for the tree. Trees need to feel loved too. He said, 'I don't want to get into an argument with you, but to be realistic, we're killing the fucking thing by cutting it down... Charlie Brown!'
Yeah I had to watch that. It was on last night at 7pm. I had Noah watch it too. I reminisced about everyone at the farm, curled up together to watch Christmas shows . I love Charlie Brown and his little tree, especially the part at the end when the tree stands tall and proud. I love to watch snoopy howl at the end when everyone is singing! Those kids dancing on the stage! Oh! Lucy asking Schroeder to play 'Jingle Bells' on his piano! Ha Ha! When Snoopy licks her face and she runs around saying she has dog germs and to get the disinfectant and hot water! Ha ha ha! Pig Pen with that dirty dust cloud that follows him around and Linus with his blanket! I guess I love them all. I admit I had small blue and yellow patchwork 'blankie' (that's what I called it) that my grandma Emma made for me. I would drag it all over the house, even outside. I'd suck my thumb while I rubbed the soft corner of my blanket on my cheek. (Maybe that's where I got my 'oral' fixation!) Then there was the stuffed teddy bear that I would sleep with. I named him, what else... NO not Teddy got ya! I named him Rupert. I think I was around eight when I gave up sucking my thumb. (now I suck other things, ha ha) I slept with Rupert the Bear all those years, even though he was ragged and ripped. Grandma would perform 'operations' and 'surgery's' on him to sew him up and give him 'baths' in the washing machine. His original brown button eyes were long gone and replaced so many times. He was really flat too. His stuffing either came out or it got really smashed inside of him. I don't remember. Mom wanted me to throw him away. I cried and said I didn't want to throw Rupert away. I had read “The Velveteen Rabbit” and I thought Rupert would think he wasn't loved anymore if I got rid of him. So they let me keep him for a little while, then the inevitable happened. I came home from school one day and he was gone. Of course, like the book, mom said he became 'real' and had a good home somewhere in the northern woods of Illinois. Yeah right mom, lie to your poor kids!
Ugh! That was depressing! Back to picking out a tree; I told Noah to pick one out and to make sure it was a tree without birds nests or squirrels in it. He shook his head and walked back to the very first one I picked out. The ugly one he called it. He used the loaner saw and cut it down. He dragged it by the trunk while I pulled on a strong lower branch. We got it to his big black truck, tied it on and paid for it. They are really expensive! I couldn't believe it. No wonder my parents always cut one down in the woods near the pond. It's free! (They always replace the one they cut down with saplings.)
We went into the cabin where Noah bought me a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream. He bought one for himself-plain! (EW!) He's missing out on some creamy goodness! I guess not having a mom to take care of him and living with a strict dad made him a little 'hardened'. It's my goal to change that. I told him, begged him to take a sip of mine. I held the cup to his lips and let him take a drink. Oh my God! When I pulled the paper cup back from his lips, he had a whipped cream mustache and I giggled. He licked most of it off his lips. I pulled his head to my face and licked the rest off from his upper lip. He backed away quickly and looked around nervously. Once we got into the car he was really quiet. It's not like I kissed him, just licked his lip. I tried to explain the difference.. but he said he was freaked out because 'It was in front of a zillion fucking people.' We don't kiss on the lips very much and we haven't made love face to face either. I'm trying to let him move at his own pace and give him time to come to grips with our relationship. I have to admit.. I get a little discouraged sometimes, but then he does these really great things for me. Sometimes he brings me a burrito home from Taco John's or a pizza from Domino's. Then there are times that he'll just pick up my empty glass while we're watching tv and refill it with water and ice for me. He sets it back down on the table in front of me, as if it was no big deal. He's so unpredictable like that and it makes me feel so special. He's calling me now. We're going to put up the tree, later...
11:00-ish? pm
We put up the tree a little while ago and decorated it with my stuff. He was acting like such a kid when we put the lights on the tree, then the bulbs and lastly the tinsel. He's taller than me, not by too much, and set the lighted angel on top. He stood back and looked so proud and happy. He said it looked like the tree vomited Christmas all over itself, then he laughed long and deep. I told him he should have contributed his own decorations then it would really look funky. He told me that he doesn't have ANY. He told me that growing up on different bases and moving all the time with his dad prevented him from having any 'real' holiday or even a place to call home. It's so sad picturing Noah as a little boy without holidays. He never got to find Easter eggs or see the Easter Bunny at the mall. He didn't get to sit on Santa's lap and one EVER gave him a card saying 'I love you, be my Valentine.' It made me cry when he told me that. He said it was no big deal, but I know better. That would hurt anyone's feelings. He tries so hard to be strong and indifferent about how he grew up, but deep down inside him, I know there's a little boy that cries for acceptance and love.... and probably for a lost childhood.
I got my camera and took a picture of him by the tree, then he ran into our bedroom calling out that he had a better camera than mine. What's wrong with my digital camera I bought a year ago on E-Bay for $125.00... USED?! He laughed and said only a trained eye like his would know the difference in the quality of pictures. He took a picture of both of us standing in front of his very first Christmas tree! We stayed up late, without the tv or lights on. It was quiet as we sat on the couch in each others arms by the glow of the Christmas lights on the tree. We just sat there looking at the beauty of the tree, then I got tired and started to fall asleep in his lap. He shook me and told me to go to bed, that he'd be coming in a minute or two. That was a half an hour ago. I checked and he's still sitting in the living room staring at our tree. It must be hard for him to realize what he's missed out on all of those years. Night.
December 5
Saturday
Guess What! Noah has started watching cartoons with me! He's officially a dork too! At first he called me a baby for watching “kiddie” shows, but then he sat down next to me and actually laughed at the idiocy of the animated characters. He's accepted that I'm weird like that. I love 'Lucky Charms' cereal, hot sauce on my scrambled eggs, and I like eat potato chips dipped in ketchup. He says I'm a 'fucking nut', but he laughs when he says it. A little while ago, he and I stood at the patio doors and watched the first 'real' snowfall of the year. We had some light snow a few days ago, but it wasn't enough to coat the ground and it melted right away. He told me he loves the snow covered trees and ground. It's so serene he says, then he put an arm around me. I leaned into him and placed my hand on his stomach and my head on his chest as he rubbed my back. It's was so peaceful there with him. We didn't talk for a long time, we didn't need words. We just stood there watching snow fall to the ground. I really love this man. I have a deep affinity for him... we have a kinship... yeah, I like that.. we're kindred spirits.
Oh, by the way, we have a new agreement now that we actually have snow on the ground. Here's the deal, I shovel the driveway and Noah “plows” me! Ha Ha! Then we continued to joke around. He said if I shovel the snow he'll give me his 'Yule Log'!!! Whoopee!
I made cheesy garlic bread, spaghetti and meatballs for supper. Mrs De Luca mailed me the recipe! She's doing well. She lives with her daughter in Michigan. Noah loved supper! He couldn't stop raving about the meatballs! He even joked that we should have Mrs. De Luca live with us and cook Italian every night. I said he should have tasted her baked Ziti with homemade sauce. She also made a great Tiramisu. He said, 'You had better fucking start writing her back and get those recipes!' He's got such a potty mouth. I've become so used to it though. My ears stopped burning a while ago. I know they're just words to him and he doesn't use them with the intention to be offensive at all. (it's the same when he calls me his bitch.)
We went to bed early, only to stay up most of the night. He had me put my tongue inside him until he came on his stomach. Mmm. He's so tasty. He doesn't even have to tell me once to lick it up. I love his taste and I'm still so grateful that he lets me clean him off. Needless to say, my dick felt extremely strained and neglected. It was jerking and twitching uncontrollably with my throbbing pulse. He smiles devilishly at me and asks if my dick wants attention. I rolled my eyes. (Like I NEED to tell him?) He says, 'Oh, I guess not.' I'm thinking what? Then he rolls over and pretends like he's going to go to sleep. I know I sounded pathetic, but I said in a whiny voice, 'Noah, I really want your attention. Please?'
God I wanted him so bad. He teases me and makes me beg. I tell him how he makes my body feel. How I want him inside me, screwing me hard and fast with his beautiful, large, hard dick. I shower him with seductive compliments and he turns over with a smirk. He gets me lubricated and ready. He rubs his big dick on my hole and I know I'm in for a punishing assault to my butt. He's savage and primal tonight. I screamed out in ecstasy when he enters me. He reacts by going faster and harder. His balls slap against my flesh over and over again. I call out, 'Show me what you got baby, that's the way, ohhhhh... I feel you so deep inside me. You're the man Noah.' He says, “That's right bitch... I'm your fucking man!” I replied, “Give me that dick of yours. I like it when you're giving it to me like this, don't stop. I love the feel of your dick in me.' That seemed to set him agog.
I press my face into my pillow and yell because it feels so good. He's moving his body rhythmically. He smooths my his hands over my butt cheeks and says, 'What a perfect ass you have.' I raised my head off the pillow and turn my head around to look at him. I see an evil smirk on his face as he raised one hand and swatted me. I grunted out in surprise because that first one was a little hard. He rubs my butt and apologized. He continues to spank me as he moans and groans and I grunt and take it. I beg for more and he listens to me. After every swat, which weren't very hard at all, he caresses and runs his hand over the area delicately. He is so tender and loving, which is a tribute to his respect and adoration for me. Then I feel his hand leave my bottom and another spank follows. I start sucking in lung-fulls of air as he presses into me hard. He's coming at me from every angle imaginable. I started to scream out in rapture, 'UHHH! Right there!' as his dick rubs my 'spot', sending me into orbit. I felt lost as he picks up the pace. I can tell he's getting ready to shoot his big load in me. I come undone and shout, “Ohhh Noah.. Oh God. I'm cumming, I'm cumming.' He grabs my dick and pumps it just right.
Then BAM! I cum. About 4 intermittent shots of cum shoot out of my dick and landed all over my side of the bed. I froze then, trying to make sense of what happened. It was intense, so incredible. Each time we make love, it just keeps getting better and better. I move my butt against his groin and push back when he pushes into me, which sends him over the edge. He grabs my hips and sends forth a load of cum deep inside me. While it gushes out, I can feel his dick pulsing against the walls inside me, then it spasms a few more times. That feeling is so powerful. He collapses on my back, throwing me off balance and we fall together on the bed. Were both panting, sweaty, and laughing. He turned me over to face him and and he says, 'Hey.' I say back, 'Hey sexy.' He smiled at me, then nuzzled my neck. He looked up at me and told me that my eyes are so fucking beautiful and that I'm gorgeous! I grin at him and thank him, then he says, 'Damn man, that fuck was so fucking good! In addition to doing it on our bed, he screws me on the couch, on the living room floor (yes, with the curtains shut!) and on the dining room table. My butt hole was bruised and I walk a little funny, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
He looked concerned as I walked to the bedroom to go to bed. I mean he REALLY looked shaken. So guess what he does!! He scooped me up with his muscular biceps and upper body strength and carried me to bed!!! My love just continues to grow for him! He laid me down gently and covered me up, then slipped under the covers next to me. He said, 'You know I love you, right?' I grinned and said, 'You know I worship you AND love you, right?' He kisses me on the forehead and I'm happy. He caressed my sore butt as he plants kisses on my eyelids, forehead, my cheeks and jawline. We layed there in content silence as we get sleepy. I was wrapped up in his arms. I'm thinking, this is the man of my dreams.. my living dream. He fell asleep first, with his nose against my neck, smelling my hair. I listened to the cadence of his breathing.. long and slow. He made a noise and pulled me closer into his body almost with a protective intention. I lay there basking in the afterglow of our night together until the sound of his breathing lulled me to sleep.
December 6
Sunday
Noah insisted I stay in bed today. I'm glad because I'm sore! He went to the pharmacy and got some numbing lubrication and fingered it up there for me. It really worked! He carried the tv into the bedroom and sat on the bed with me, holding me in his arms. He brought me brunch in bed. A grilled cheese sandwich and canned tomato soup with crackers, and they were 'Goldfish' crackers. (for the win!!!) He went out and got them just for me! He's so sweet. I saw him staring at my mouth a lot today. Every time I talked to him, when I laughed, or ate... he's looking. I took a nap later and he layed next to me and fell asleep too. I woke up with him staring at me and his index finger on my mouth, tracing my lips.
Decmber 9
Wednesday
I made a big mistake today. Monumental. To my defense I left a message with the secretary at Noah's work saying that I wouldn't be home on time, that I was going Christmas shopping after work. I bought my mom some expensive perfume she likes. My dad a new tool set because he refuses to give up his rusty ones. He says they still work even though they aren't pretty anymore. Whatever. My Godson/nephew a bunch of toys that were on the must give list on tv. I admit I love toys and trucks. I bought Aaron and Allison a weekend at a bed and breakfast. I said I'd watch Aaron Jr. so they could concentrate on giving me a niece! Ha ha! The look Allison gave me was a sly one that told me they had been thinking of giving Aaron Jr. a brother or sister. I bought my sisters some gift certificates to the clothing store downtown. I got Ethan a 'Thomas The Tank Engine' video and bunch of toys a 6 year old would love. My mom is gonna kill me! Some have loud sirens on them and make a lot of noise! Hee hee! I bought Noah a few really nice shirts that I know he's gonna love and a video camera that came out last month. I bought all the accessories too. Lights, filters, tripod... everything. It's the latest in technology. Really cool. He's been eying them forever, but won't buy them because he says they are too expensive. Anyway I get back home at around 8pm. We had leftovers in the fridge from the previous night so Noah could just nuke a plate of food if he got hungry so I wasn't worried at all about the time. Well, as soon as I walk in the door I hear a string (a really long one) of curse words. He's really angry (enraged) and his face is red. I was actually scared, not because I thought he'd hurt me, but that something really bad had happened. Like he got fired or something... maybe, I thought, his dad got out of jail and came over. Nope, not even close!
Him: 'You fucking piece of SHIT! Where in the fuck have you been? I have been fucking sitting here for so fucking long wondering where you were! You inconsiderate bastard!'
Me: 'I'm sorry. What's the problem?'
Him: 'You are my fucking problem! You couldn't call me? You couldn't fucking pick up a fucking phone?!!'
Me: 'I left a message with the secretary at your work that I was going to get Christmas gifts after work. You didn't get the message?'
Him: (more calm now): 'Fuck no! That fucking secretary should be fired!'
He got up and left the room, so I followed him into the bedroom. He flung himself on the bed and landed on his stomach. He layed his head down and sighed. I sat next to him and asked him if he was okay as I rubbed his back.
Him: (with a shaky voice) 'I thought you left me. I didn't know what to do, what I'd do if you left me. I love you so much.'
Me: (I could see tears in his eyes:) 'I'm sorry Noah. I would never leave you. I adore you. I love you.'
Him: (almost in a pleading way) 'Say it again.'
Me: 'I love you with all that I am Noah, I will never leave you. Ever.'
Him: (then he's more sure of himself and more commanding.) 'Again Luke, again.'
Me: (with tears in my eyes) 'I love you so much. I can't live without you. I adore and treasure you. I love you, I love you Noah....'
He nodded and hugged me and said, 'That's right Luke. You treasure me. You love me, don't you. I love you too.. I was so afraid baby. I was out of my mind.' He gets off the bed and pulls me up. We face each other and I look into his eyes. I see so much love and devotion there. He leaned into me. At first I wonder what he's doing.
He kisses me!! On the LIPS!! Wonderfully too, not some little peck. Our kiss was soft and tentative at first, then he kisses me more passionately, branding my lips and leaving my neck with a bruise. He says, 'You're mine, don't ever leave me.' I smile at him and say, 'Never, I will never leave you.'
My arms came up to wrap around his neck. I tilted my head and opened my mouth to meet his full lips as I was brought in tightly by his arms. His chest ground on mine as our mouths taste each other's lips. This felt so right and so natural. His curious tongue forced it's way into every crevice of my mouth. He moans and grabs my head as he presses his lips harder onto my mouth. My heart was full to bursting! I've never felt so enamored with a kiss before.. I can't believe he kisses me with every ounce of attentiveness and detail. I could feel his love for me pass from his lips to mine. A couple of minutes later Noah pulled his face away and raised his head, His eyes were glazed over and his breathing was deep and slow. He said in a low raspy voice, “Fuck. That was.. awww.... just... fuck.” He pulled my head to his again and we kissed some more. It felt like for hours, but it was probably for a good 20 minutes. When he broke the kiss, we laugh. Our mouths were red, swollen and tingling. In fact as I write this, I touched my lips with my finger and they are still tingly from his great ardor for my mouth and lips. They burn from the fire of his love.
I'm thinking back about his concern for me when he didn't know where I was. He was so worried that I left him. (He later confessed that women left him because of his strong personality and his need to control every situation) I feel good that he needs me. I already knew this before, but I love to hear him say it. Of course he screws me until we're exhausted after that amazing kiss. We have a great relationship. I love to give and he loves to take. It's perfection at it's best!
December 11
Friday
Nothing new in my life at work or home. Noah's going to be putting in more hours very soon. Human interest stories. I'm sorry but I am really in a crabby way so I just want to vent first. People love those human interest stories this time of year. What about the other 11 months though? Does the illiteracy all of the sudden go away, the starving kids, the sick and the elderly, the war... and that's only a tiny bit of it! What about the other problems of the world... does that just disappear too? Poof and it's forgotten after December. People want to give for Christmas and they do, just to make themselves feel good, then their good deed is done and they wait until next December, a whole year away, to be charitable again. Not me. My paycheck is set up so that money is taken out and donated to the Children's Hospital and some goes to the Humane Society too. I want to help the helpless. So that's my contribution. I'm going to volunteer at each place a few hours a week. Noah donates to the Women and Children shelters for families that are battered and abused. He does it in his mom's name. He's so noble. Now that I feel better and that's out of the way, here's my entry for today. (If I can stay up and write it.) I'm really tired and it's only 9pm??? Should take less than 5 minutes.
It just now occurred to me that I've never dedicated a chapter to Noah, so this chapter is officially for you, my darling. I haven't been feeling very well all day. I will cherish this night we had together. (which is what I'll write about now) When I'm done here, I'm off to bed. Here it is Noah, just for you.
We finally made love face to face!!! It was magnificent to watch your handsome face. It made me cum so hard to see you open your mouth and pant. The impassioned faces you make and the moans and grunts that I get to watch come out of your luscious mouth took me to new heights.
We undressed each other and kissed for a while, yummy. Your lips are delicious babe. So tender and sweet. Your tongue likes to wander around my mouth and lick my lips. Your teeth like to nip my lips as well as my neck.
So, I was in position with my butt facing you, when you rolled me onto my back and pushed one of my legs to the side with your hand. You positioned yourself between my legs and got me lubricated with your long fingers that I love so much. Your dick entered me slowly and tenderly until the initial pain was gone and I give you the go ahead. You glide in and out several times. I was panting with my eyes closed when I heard my own voice, hoarse with desire and lust, commanding you to do me hard. I reached back with my arm and pulled your butt closer so you could grind against me. Remember babe? Above me I hear you moaning, 'Oh Luke, Uhhmm, Shit! God... Fuck Yeaaahhh.” I opened my eyes to look at your face and you were staring right at me with those penetrating blue eyes of yours. You rammed into me harder and faster in response to my demand. I screamed with pleasure as my balls shot my load of cum on my stomach and chest, I think I even hit the pillow! Don't worry darling, it was mine, not yours. It felt like you totally depleted my supply of cum with the way you move inside me. It felt very different doing it this way. I love looking at your chest and biceps as you work your body into mine. Extremely erotic and HOT! You bent down and kissed my forehead, then my lips. Then you raised your head and looked down at me and said, 'Fuck man, that is something watching you cum!” Your voice had changed to a deep, low, seductive tone. You came soon after, making those intense faces I love and screaming, “Oh shit, Ahhh... Uhhhh..' between guttural groans of ecstasy. You were on fire baby!
You looked at me, chuckled, and said, 'You are a fucking mess Luke. Lets go shower.' I'm thinking that's about all the strength I have left for. (right!) I start the shower, like usual while you pee. When the water is hot, I climb in. The water pulsing on my skin felt so good. You opened the shower curtain and asked if there was room for one more. I smiled and said, 'For you? Always. Get in here.' You climbed in and rubbed up against me. Your hands explored my body. You were standing behind me and pulled me to you, so that your dick was against the crack of my butt. You lowered your head so it was next to mine on my shoulder. You pushed your hips into me and rubbed your dick against butt crack, but you didn't penetrate me. It was then that I knew we were going to get dirty before we got clean.
Your teeth found the nape of my neck as your arms wrapped around me. I relaxed and leaned back on you as I rubbed my butt against your hard dick. I don't know how you do it. Your dick just comes back to life! Anyway, mine sprung to life also. As tired as I was I didn't expect that to happen, but it did. Boy did it ever. See what you do to me babe? I rested my forehead against the tiles of the bathroom shower as you used my hole to service your dick again. I was deliriously happy! Remember what I said? In case you forgot, here is what I said word for word (sort of) as I bucked against your hips. 'I need me that monster cock Noah.. please... I want it. Will you fill me up with your hot load? Show me what you got babe.' I'm sure you liked me begging. You promised that I was going to get your load of cum. You clutched my hips and started thrusting into me like you were some sort of machine on autopilot. I felt my balls start to contract. I felt my insides squeeze your dick which, I think, caused you to scream and slam into me. I said, 'Oh your so strong Noah. Ohhh.' Then we get into this rhythm where I would shoot a stream of cum and you would counter with a shot inside me. I think we did that like 3 or 4 times. Just going back and forth. It was so intense honey. We reached a plane of ecstasy we had never encountered before. We talked excitedly about that. You said it makes you want me even more. Well you have me.
I explicitly remember that conversation. I hope you do too because I can't write anymore. I don't feel good at all... like I'm going to hurl. Night Noah. xoxoxoxox
PART 8
Rating:PG 18
Summary: It's Luke's diary
Characters: Luke
Genre:This story is A.U.
Warnings:Sexual situations and some slight language
Disclaimer: This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.
December 4
Friday
Noah and I drove to a Christmas tree place after we finished work. There are acres and acres of woods and a large cabin in the center of it all that serves hot drinks and food. They also rent out cross country skis for the trails (no snow yet) and ice skates for the large pond. (not frozen yet either) The place was awesome! They let people cut their own trees or chose a pre-cut one. We decide to cut one down. We walk on a trampled path into the woods filled with firs, spruce... all kinds of Christmas trees. My muscular hunky man told me to pick one out once we got past the young trees. Of course he shot down the ones I chose. He shook his head and commented on every single one. It's too thin, thick, tall, short, sparse, or wrong type of needles. My personal favorite was 'You have got to be fucking kidding me!' said with a laugh and a tap on my butt. I told him I didn't want a 'perfect' tree. I want the one I saw with the uneven branches and the bare spot in the back. I want one that no one wants. I feel sorry for the tree. Trees need to feel loved too. He said, 'I don't want to get into an argument with you, but to be realistic, we're killing the fucking thing by cutting it down... Charlie Brown!'
Yeah I had to watch that. It was on last night at 7pm. I had Noah watch it too. I reminisced about everyone at the farm, curled up together to watch Christmas shows . I love Charlie Brown and his little tree, especially the part at the end when the tree stands tall and proud. I love to watch snoopy howl at the end when everyone is singing! Those kids dancing on the stage! Oh! Lucy asking Schroeder to play 'Jingle Bells' on his piano! Ha Ha! When Snoopy licks her face and she runs around saying she has dog germs and to get the disinfectant and hot water! Ha ha ha! Pig Pen with that dirty dust cloud that follows him around and Linus with his blanket! I guess I love them all. I admit I had small blue and yellow patchwork 'blankie' (that's what I called it) that my grandma Emma made for me. I would drag it all over the house, even outside. I'd suck my thumb while I rubbed the soft corner of my blanket on my cheek. (Maybe that's where I got my 'oral' fixation!) Then there was the stuffed teddy bear that I would sleep with. I named him, what else... NO not Teddy got ya! I named him Rupert. I think I was around eight when I gave up sucking my thumb. (now I suck other things, ha ha) I slept with Rupert the Bear all those years, even though he was ragged and ripped. Grandma would perform 'operations' and 'surgery's' on him to sew him up and give him 'baths' in the washing machine. His original brown button eyes were long gone and replaced so many times. He was really flat too. His stuffing either came out or it got really smashed inside of him. I don't remember. Mom wanted me to throw him away. I cried and said I didn't want to throw Rupert away. I had read “The Velveteen Rabbit” and I thought Rupert would think he wasn't loved anymore if I got rid of him. So they let me keep him for a little while, then the inevitable happened. I came home from school one day and he was gone. Of course, like the book, mom said he became 'real' and had a good home somewhere in the northern woods of Illinois. Yeah right mom, lie to your poor kids!
Ugh! That was depressing! Back to picking out a tree; I told Noah to pick one out and to make sure it was a tree without birds nests or squirrels in it. He shook his head and walked back to the very first one I picked out. The ugly one he called it. He used the loaner saw and cut it down. He dragged it by the trunk while I pulled on a strong lower branch. We got it to his big black truck, tied it on and paid for it. They are really expensive! I couldn't believe it. No wonder my parents always cut one down in the woods near the pond. It's free! (They always replace the one they cut down with saplings.)
We went into the cabin where Noah bought me a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream. He bought one for himself-plain! (EW!) He's missing out on some creamy goodness! I guess not having a mom to take care of him and living with a strict dad made him a little 'hardened'. It's my goal to change that. I told him, begged him to take a sip of mine. I held the cup to his lips and let him take a drink. Oh my God! When I pulled the paper cup back from his lips, he had a whipped cream mustache and I giggled. He licked most of it off his lips. I pulled his head to my face and licked the rest off from his upper lip. He backed away quickly and looked around nervously. Once we got into the car he was really quiet. It's not like I kissed him, just licked his lip. I tried to explain the difference.. but he said he was freaked out because 'It was in front of a zillion fucking people.' We don't kiss on the lips very much and we haven't made love face to face either. I'm trying to let him move at his own pace and give him time to come to grips with our relationship. I have to admit.. I get a little discouraged sometimes, but then he does these really great things for me. Sometimes he brings me a burrito home from Taco John's or a pizza from Domino's. Then there are times that he'll just pick up my empty glass while we're watching tv and refill it with water and ice for me. He sets it back down on the table in front of me, as if it was no big deal. He's so unpredictable like that and it makes me feel so special. He's calling me now. We're going to put up the tree, later...
11:00-ish? pm
We put up the tree a little while ago and decorated it with my stuff. He was acting like such a kid when we put the lights on the tree, then the bulbs and lastly the tinsel. He's taller than me, not by too much, and set the lighted angel on top. He stood back and looked so proud and happy. He said it looked like the tree vomited Christmas all over itself, then he laughed long and deep. I told him he should have contributed his own decorations then it would really look funky. He told me that he doesn't have ANY. He told me that growing up on different bases and moving all the time with his dad prevented him from having any 'real' holiday or even a place to call home. It's so sad picturing Noah as a little boy without holidays. He never got to find Easter eggs or see the Easter Bunny at the mall. He didn't get to sit on Santa's lap and one EVER gave him a card saying 'I love you, be my Valentine.' It made me cry when he told me that. He said it was no big deal, but I know better. That would hurt anyone's feelings. He tries so hard to be strong and indifferent about how he grew up, but deep down inside him, I know there's a little boy that cries for acceptance and love.... and probably for a lost childhood.
I got my camera and took a picture of him by the tree, then he ran into our bedroom calling out that he had a better camera than mine. What's wrong with my digital camera I bought a year ago on E-Bay for $125.00... USED?! He laughed and said only a trained eye like his would know the difference in the quality of pictures. He took a picture of both of us standing in front of his very first Christmas tree! We stayed up late, without the tv or lights on. It was quiet as we sat on the couch in each others arms by the glow of the Christmas lights on the tree. We just sat there looking at the beauty of the tree, then I got tired and started to fall asleep in his lap. He shook me and told me to go to bed, that he'd be coming in a minute or two. That was a half an hour ago. I checked and he's still sitting in the living room staring at our tree. It must be hard for him to realize what he's missed out on all of those years. Night.
December 5
Saturday
Guess What! Noah has started watching cartoons with me! He's officially a dork too! At first he called me a baby for watching “kiddie” shows, but then he sat down next to me and actually laughed at the idiocy of the animated characters. He's accepted that I'm weird like that. I love 'Lucky Charms' cereal, hot sauce on my scrambled eggs, and I like eat potato chips dipped in ketchup. He says I'm a 'fucking nut', but he laughs when he says it. A little while ago, he and I stood at the patio doors and watched the first 'real' snowfall of the year. We had some light snow a few days ago, but it wasn't enough to coat the ground and it melted right away. He told me he loves the snow covered trees and ground. It's so serene he says, then he put an arm around me. I leaned into him and placed my hand on his stomach and my head on his chest as he rubbed my back. It's was so peaceful there with him. We didn't talk for a long time, we didn't need words. We just stood there watching snow fall to the ground. I really love this man. I have a deep affinity for him... we have a kinship... yeah, I like that.. we're kindred spirits.
Oh, by the way, we have a new agreement now that we actually have snow on the ground. Here's the deal, I shovel the driveway and Noah “plows” me! Ha Ha! Then we continued to joke around. He said if I shovel the snow he'll give me his 'Yule Log'!!! Whoopee!
I made cheesy garlic bread, spaghetti and meatballs for supper. Mrs De Luca mailed me the recipe! She's doing well. She lives with her daughter in Michigan. Noah loved supper! He couldn't stop raving about the meatballs! He even joked that we should have Mrs. De Luca live with us and cook Italian every night. I said he should have tasted her baked Ziti with homemade sauce. She also made a great Tiramisu. He said, 'You had better fucking start writing her back and get those recipes!' He's got such a potty mouth. I've become so used to it though. My ears stopped burning a while ago. I know they're just words to him and he doesn't use them with the intention to be offensive at all. (it's the same when he calls me his bitch.)
We went to bed early, only to stay up most of the night. He had me put my tongue inside him until he came on his stomach. Mmm. He's so tasty. He doesn't even have to tell me once to lick it up. I love his taste and I'm still so grateful that he lets me clean him off. Needless to say, my dick felt extremely strained and neglected. It was jerking and twitching uncontrollably with my throbbing pulse. He smiles devilishly at me and asks if my dick wants attention. I rolled my eyes. (Like I NEED to tell him?) He says, 'Oh, I guess not.' I'm thinking what? Then he rolls over and pretends like he's going to go to sleep. I know I sounded pathetic, but I said in a whiny voice, 'Noah, I really want your attention. Please?'
God I wanted him so bad. He teases me and makes me beg. I tell him how he makes my body feel. How I want him inside me, screwing me hard and fast with his beautiful, large, hard dick. I shower him with seductive compliments and he turns over with a smirk. He gets me lubricated and ready. He rubs his big dick on my hole and I know I'm in for a punishing assault to my butt. He's savage and primal tonight. I screamed out in ecstasy when he enters me. He reacts by going faster and harder. His balls slap against my flesh over and over again. I call out, 'Show me what you got baby, that's the way, ohhhhh... I feel you so deep inside me. You're the man Noah.' He says, “That's right bitch... I'm your fucking man!” I replied, “Give me that dick of yours. I like it when you're giving it to me like this, don't stop. I love the feel of your dick in me.' That seemed to set him agog.
I press my face into my pillow and yell because it feels so good. He's moving his body rhythmically. He smooths my his hands over my butt cheeks and says, 'What a perfect ass you have.' I raised my head off the pillow and turn my head around to look at him. I see an evil smirk on his face as he raised one hand and swatted me. I grunted out in surprise because that first one was a little hard. He rubs my butt and apologized. He continues to spank me as he moans and groans and I grunt and take it. I beg for more and he listens to me. After every swat, which weren't very hard at all, he caresses and runs his hand over the area delicately. He is so tender and loving, which is a tribute to his respect and adoration for me. Then I feel his hand leave my bottom and another spank follows. I start sucking in lung-fulls of air as he presses into me hard. He's coming at me from every angle imaginable. I started to scream out in rapture, 'UHHH! Right there!' as his dick rubs my 'spot', sending me into orbit. I felt lost as he picks up the pace. I can tell he's getting ready to shoot his big load in me. I come undone and shout, “Ohhh Noah.. Oh God. I'm cumming, I'm cumming.' He grabs my dick and pumps it just right.
Then BAM! I cum. About 4 intermittent shots of cum shoot out of my dick and landed all over my side of the bed. I froze then, trying to make sense of what happened. It was intense, so incredible. Each time we make love, it just keeps getting better and better. I move my butt against his groin and push back when he pushes into me, which sends him over the edge. He grabs my hips and sends forth a load of cum deep inside me. While it gushes out, I can feel his dick pulsing against the walls inside me, then it spasms a few more times. That feeling is so powerful. He collapses on my back, throwing me off balance and we fall together on the bed. Were both panting, sweaty, and laughing. He turned me over to face him and and he says, 'Hey.' I say back, 'Hey sexy.' He smiled at me, then nuzzled my neck. He looked up at me and told me that my eyes are so fucking beautiful and that I'm gorgeous! I grin at him and thank him, then he says, 'Damn man, that fuck was so fucking good! In addition to doing it on our bed, he screws me on the couch, on the living room floor (yes, with the curtains shut!) and on the dining room table. My butt hole was bruised and I walk a little funny, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
He looked concerned as I walked to the bedroom to go to bed. I mean he REALLY looked shaken. So guess what he does!! He scooped me up with his muscular biceps and upper body strength and carried me to bed!!! My love just continues to grow for him! He laid me down gently and covered me up, then slipped under the covers next to me. He said, 'You know I love you, right?' I grinned and said, 'You know I worship you AND love you, right?' He kisses me on the forehead and I'm happy. He caressed my sore butt as he plants kisses on my eyelids, forehead, my cheeks and jawline. We layed there in content silence as we get sleepy. I was wrapped up in his arms. I'm thinking, this is the man of my dreams.. my living dream. He fell asleep first, with his nose against my neck, smelling my hair. I listened to the cadence of his breathing.. long and slow. He made a noise and pulled me closer into his body almost with a protective intention. I lay there basking in the afterglow of our night together until the sound of his breathing lulled me to sleep.
December 6
Sunday
Noah insisted I stay in bed today. I'm glad because I'm sore! He went to the pharmacy and got some numbing lubrication and fingered it up there for me. It really worked! He carried the tv into the bedroom and sat on the bed with me, holding me in his arms. He brought me brunch in bed. A grilled cheese sandwich and canned tomato soup with crackers, and they were 'Goldfish' crackers. (for the win!!!) He went out and got them just for me! He's so sweet. I saw him staring at my mouth a lot today. Every time I talked to him, when I laughed, or ate... he's looking. I took a nap later and he layed next to me and fell asleep too. I woke up with him staring at me and his index finger on my mouth, tracing my lips.
Decmber 9
Wednesday
I made a big mistake today. Monumental. To my defense I left a message with the secretary at Noah's work saying that I wouldn't be home on time, that I was going Christmas shopping after work. I bought my mom some expensive perfume she likes. My dad a new tool set because he refuses to give up his rusty ones. He says they still work even though they aren't pretty anymore. Whatever. My Godson/nephew a bunch of toys that were on the must give list on tv. I admit I love toys and trucks. I bought Aaron and Allison a weekend at a bed and breakfast. I said I'd watch Aaron Jr. so they could concentrate on giving me a niece! Ha ha! The look Allison gave me was a sly one that told me they had been thinking of giving Aaron Jr. a brother or sister. I bought my sisters some gift certificates to the clothing store downtown. I got Ethan a 'Thomas The Tank Engine' video and bunch of toys a 6 year old would love. My mom is gonna kill me! Some have loud sirens on them and make a lot of noise! Hee hee! I bought Noah a few really nice shirts that I know he's gonna love and a video camera that came out last month. I bought all the accessories too. Lights, filters, tripod... everything. It's the latest in technology. Really cool. He's been eying them forever, but won't buy them because he says they are too expensive. Anyway I get back home at around 8pm. We had leftovers in the fridge from the previous night so Noah could just nuke a plate of food if he got hungry so I wasn't worried at all about the time. Well, as soon as I walk in the door I hear a string (a really long one) of curse words. He's really angry (enraged) and his face is red. I was actually scared, not because I thought he'd hurt me, but that something really bad had happened. Like he got fired or something... maybe, I thought, his dad got out of jail and came over. Nope, not even close!
Him: 'You fucking piece of SHIT! Where in the fuck have you been? I have been fucking sitting here for so fucking long wondering where you were! You inconsiderate bastard!'
Me: 'I'm sorry. What's the problem?'
Him: 'You are my fucking problem! You couldn't call me? You couldn't fucking pick up a fucking phone?!!'
Me: 'I left a message with the secretary at your work that I was going to get Christmas gifts after work. You didn't get the message?'
Him: (more calm now): 'Fuck no! That fucking secretary should be fired!'
He got up and left the room, so I followed him into the bedroom. He flung himself on the bed and landed on his stomach. He layed his head down and sighed. I sat next to him and asked him if he was okay as I rubbed his back.
Him: (with a shaky voice) 'I thought you left me. I didn't know what to do, what I'd do if you left me. I love you so much.'
Me: (I could see tears in his eyes:) 'I'm sorry Noah. I would never leave you. I adore you. I love you.'
Him: (almost in a pleading way) 'Say it again.'
Me: 'I love you with all that I am Noah, I will never leave you. Ever.'
Him: (then he's more sure of himself and more commanding.) 'Again Luke, again.'
Me: (with tears in my eyes) 'I love you so much. I can't live without you. I adore and treasure you. I love you, I love you Noah....'
He nodded and hugged me and said, 'That's right Luke. You treasure me. You love me, don't you. I love you too.. I was so afraid baby. I was out of my mind.' He gets off the bed and pulls me up. We face each other and I look into his eyes. I see so much love and devotion there. He leaned into me. At first I wonder what he's doing.
He kisses me!! On the LIPS!! Wonderfully too, not some little peck. Our kiss was soft and tentative at first, then he kisses me more passionately, branding my lips and leaving my neck with a bruise. He says, 'You're mine, don't ever leave me.' I smile at him and say, 'Never, I will never leave you.'
My arms came up to wrap around his neck. I tilted my head and opened my mouth to meet his full lips as I was brought in tightly by his arms. His chest ground on mine as our mouths taste each other's lips. This felt so right and so natural. His curious tongue forced it's way into every crevice of my mouth. He moans and grabs my head as he presses his lips harder onto my mouth. My heart was full to bursting! I've never felt so enamored with a kiss before.. I can't believe he kisses me with every ounce of attentiveness and detail. I could feel his love for me pass from his lips to mine. A couple of minutes later Noah pulled his face away and raised his head, His eyes were glazed over and his breathing was deep and slow. He said in a low raspy voice, “Fuck. That was.. awww.... just... fuck.” He pulled my head to his again and we kissed some more. It felt like for hours, but it was probably for a good 20 minutes. When he broke the kiss, we laugh. Our mouths were red, swollen and tingling. In fact as I write this, I touched my lips with my finger and they are still tingly from his great ardor for my mouth and lips. They burn from the fire of his love.
I'm thinking back about his concern for me when he didn't know where I was. He was so worried that I left him. (He later confessed that women left him because of his strong personality and his need to control every situation) I feel good that he needs me. I already knew this before, but I love to hear him say it. Of course he screws me until we're exhausted after that amazing kiss. We have a great relationship. I love to give and he loves to take. It's perfection at it's best!
December 11
Friday
Nothing new in my life at work or home. Noah's going to be putting in more hours very soon. Human interest stories. I'm sorry but I am really in a crabby way so I just want to vent first. People love those human interest stories this time of year. What about the other 11 months though? Does the illiteracy all of the sudden go away, the starving kids, the sick and the elderly, the war... and that's only a tiny bit of it! What about the other problems of the world... does that just disappear too? Poof and it's forgotten after December. People want to give for Christmas and they do, just to make themselves feel good, then their good deed is done and they wait until next December, a whole year away, to be charitable again. Not me. My paycheck is set up so that money is taken out and donated to the Children's Hospital and some goes to the Humane Society too. I want to help the helpless. So that's my contribution. I'm going to volunteer at each place a few hours a week. Noah donates to the Women and Children shelters for families that are battered and abused. He does it in his mom's name. He's so noble. Now that I feel better and that's out of the way, here's my entry for today. (If I can stay up and write it.) I'm really tired and it's only 9pm??? Should take less than 5 minutes.
It just now occurred to me that I've never dedicated a chapter to Noah, so this chapter is officially for you, my darling. I haven't been feeling very well all day. I will cherish this night we had together. (which is what I'll write about now) When I'm done here, I'm off to bed. Here it is Noah, just for you.
We finally made love face to face!!! It was magnificent to watch your handsome face. It made me cum so hard to see you open your mouth and pant. The impassioned faces you make and the moans and grunts that I get to watch come out of your luscious mouth took me to new heights.
We undressed each other and kissed for a while, yummy. Your lips are delicious babe. So tender and sweet. Your tongue likes to wander around my mouth and lick my lips. Your teeth like to nip my lips as well as my neck.
So, I was in position with my butt facing you, when you rolled me onto my back and pushed one of my legs to the side with your hand. You positioned yourself between my legs and got me lubricated with your long fingers that I love so much. Your dick entered me slowly and tenderly until the initial pain was gone and I give you the go ahead. You glide in and out several times. I was panting with my eyes closed when I heard my own voice, hoarse with desire and lust, commanding you to do me hard. I reached back with my arm and pulled your butt closer so you could grind against me. Remember babe? Above me I hear you moaning, 'Oh Luke, Uhhmm, Shit! God... Fuck Yeaaahhh.” I opened my eyes to look at your face and you were staring right at me with those penetrating blue eyes of yours. You rammed into me harder and faster in response to my demand. I screamed with pleasure as my balls shot my load of cum on my stomach and chest, I think I even hit the pillow! Don't worry darling, it was mine, not yours. It felt like you totally depleted my supply of cum with the way you move inside me. It felt very different doing it this way. I love looking at your chest and biceps as you work your body into mine. Extremely erotic and HOT! You bent down and kissed my forehead, then my lips. Then you raised your head and looked down at me and said, 'Fuck man, that is something watching you cum!” Your voice had changed to a deep, low, seductive tone. You came soon after, making those intense faces I love and screaming, “Oh shit, Ahhh... Uhhhh..' between guttural groans of ecstasy. You were on fire baby!
You looked at me, chuckled, and said, 'You are a fucking mess Luke. Lets go shower.' I'm thinking that's about all the strength I have left for. (right!) I start the shower, like usual while you pee. When the water is hot, I climb in. The water pulsing on my skin felt so good. You opened the shower curtain and asked if there was room for one more. I smiled and said, 'For you? Always. Get in here.' You climbed in and rubbed up against me. Your hands explored my body. You were standing behind me and pulled me to you, so that your dick was against the crack of my butt. You lowered your head so it was next to mine on my shoulder. You pushed your hips into me and rubbed your dick against butt crack, but you didn't penetrate me. It was then that I knew we were going to get dirty before we got clean.
Your teeth found the nape of my neck as your arms wrapped around me. I relaxed and leaned back on you as I rubbed my butt against your hard dick. I don't know how you do it. Your dick just comes back to life! Anyway, mine sprung to life also. As tired as I was I didn't expect that to happen, but it did. Boy did it ever. See what you do to me babe? I rested my forehead against the tiles of the bathroom shower as you used my hole to service your dick again. I was deliriously happy! Remember what I said? In case you forgot, here is what I said word for word (sort of) as I bucked against your hips. 'I need me that monster cock Noah.. please... I want it. Will you fill me up with your hot load? Show me what you got babe.' I'm sure you liked me begging. You promised that I was going to get your load of cum. You clutched my hips and started thrusting into me like you were some sort of machine on autopilot. I felt my balls start to contract. I felt my insides squeeze your dick which, I think, caused you to scream and slam into me. I said, 'Oh your so strong Noah. Ohhh.' Then we get into this rhythm where I would shoot a stream of cum and you would counter with a shot inside me. I think we did that like 3 or 4 times. Just going back and forth. It was so intense honey. We reached a plane of ecstasy we had never encountered before. We talked excitedly about that. You said it makes you want me even more. Well you have me.
I explicitly remember that conversation. I hope you do too because I can't write anymore. I don't feel good at all... like I'm going to hurl. Night Noah. xoxoxoxox
