The next morning Holden entered the barn and was surprised to find Noah grooming Aaron’s horse. He looked at him. One year before he had appeared at his door asking to be a Snyder and Holden couldn’t say no. There was something about Noah that made him feel the need to protect him, to keep him away from any harm. He loved him as if he was his own son. He thought he was going to die when Aaron had the accident. He was with him at the hospital when he died and the pain was still there, crushing him. But Noah had eased some of that. He liked to think that they had helped each other healing their wounds in the past year.

But he was hurting again. Holden could see it. He could always tell when one of his kids were troubled.

“Hey, son, a bit early today, isn’t it?”

Noah looked at him and smiled. It wasn’t the same smile that he used to have before. This one was sad, again…

“I just thought I could give you a hand over here”

“You are not working today?”

“No”

He kept grooming the horse, concentrating on it.

“You OK? And before you answer, don’t tell me that you are fine”

Noah didn’t try to smile this time

“You know you can’t tell me anything, right?”

Noah just looked at him.

“Can I?”

“Yes, of course, you are not going to scare me off. You are my son, remember?”

Noah looked away when he heard Holden’s words… His son… For one year he really thought that the Snyders could become his family. That Holden could be his father, but it wasn’t real. Who was he kidding? Pretending that he didn’t have a family? Despite the fact that his father was a murderer and his mother a prostitute who couldn’t care less for his son, they were his family. There was nothing he could do about it… You can’t just change your last name and pretend nothing ever happened.

“Noah… what’s wrong?”

“Nothing… just… I don’t know, I guess I am feeling a bit low. Don’t think about it, really”

“Don’t think about it? I can’t believe you just said that to me. You are a father yourself, you sh”

Noah whispered something

“What? What did you say?”

“Nothing…”

“No, tell me…”

“I said nothing, Holden, just drop it!”

“I will drop it whenever I want to. Just so we are clear, you understand?”

“What? Now you are mad at me too? You want to throw me out, too? Go ahead… I shouldn’t have come here to begin with!”

“Throw you out too? What are you talking about?”

“Like father like son… maybe I should say like son like father…”

He dropped everything and looked at the horse

“Aaron loves his horse…”

“What is going on, Noah?”

“Who cares…”

“I do”

“I do too”

They both turned around when they heard Luke.

"I do care, Noah…”

“Yes, that’s why you threw me out of what I thought was our house… because you cared… right…”

“You threw him out? Why? What happened?”

Noah answered before Luke had time to explain

“Who cares…”

And he left, he didn’t even look at Luke. He just went past him.

“What’s going on, Luke?”

“I screw up, that’s what happens”

“Did you really threw him out?”

“I’m afraid so… shit, dad… He hates me”

“Come on, he loves you, and you know it. What happened?”

“I don’t know, something is going on and he’s not talking to me…”

“But why did you ask him to leave?”

“He’s not letting me in…”

“What do you mean…”

“He is hurting and he won’t talk to me about it”

“And you throw him out? He is not well and that’s what you do? Tell him to go? Luke…”

Luke covered his face with his hands

“Come on… son…”

“I felt bad… I know it’s stupid, but it really hurts, dad, he is not talking to me… why can’t he let me help him? I need to know why he won’t trust me…”

Tears started falling down Luke’s face

“I was so angry at myself… I’ve done something very wrong if my own husband won’t tell me what’s wrong with him, right?”

“No, you know him, he needs time”

“He’s closing me out… I got scared that he was going to leave me again…”

“Again? What… you mean like 10 years ago?”

Luke nodded

“Shit, Luke, you were 2 kids and he was really troubled, back then. You are married, now, you have a kid, for god’s sake… he has come a long way”

Luke couldn’t talk and Holden just held him

“I am sorry… I am so sorry…”

“You are going to have to tell him that, not me”

“He hates me”

Holden smiled

“No… he’s loved you for years, he doesn’t hate you, believe me”