Title: What he's doing now Chapter: 4- Another night, another tear Rating: G Summary: Characters: Genre: Warnings: English is not my native language Disclaimer: This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

Noah couldn’t stop looking at the boy. He heard Luke talking but couldn’t move

“Noah?… What’s wrong?”

Noah smiled sadly… how he wished he could hear those words and not remember other times… a tie, a first kiss…

“Nothing… Hello, Aaron”

“Hi”

He had a really sweet voice. Noah didn’t know if all children had that same sweet voice or if it was just Luke’s son… damn, Luke’s son… His worst nightmare was becoming real.

“How old is he?”

He was curious about the kid. Why? He should just run and hide. Wasn’t that what he always did? Why was he standing up in here asking about something that hurt so much?

Luke smiled looking at Aaron

“How old are you?”

“4”

Aaron showed Noah 4 fingers of both of his hands and Luke laughed

“Only one hand, man, that’s 8!”

Noah looked at Luke and felt the laughter warm his soul

“He is gorgeous, Luke”

Luke looked at Aaron and brushed back some hair from his son's forehead

“Yeah… he is… a real sunshine“

“I’m not a sunshine, daddy, I am a boy”

Luke and Noah laughed at that. The boy was cute, that was sure… Noah realized that Luke was looking at him

“You look good, Noah”

“Thanks, you too…”

Good? Shit, he looked way better than good. He looked just like he did 10 years ago, just more… more of a man, Noah thought.

“Are you staying here long?”

Shit, why was he asking if Luke and his son and his… he couldn’t even think about it, his husband, were going to stay for long? When did he become so stupid? Ah… the day he left Luke, of course…

“Not really, just a few more days”

Noah wanted to absorb everything about the meeting, all about Luke so it would last a lifetime. He wanted to store his smile, his eyes, his lips, his smell… He had accepted a long time ago that Luke was the love of his life, so he wanted to have at least memories, as many as possible.

Now he saw that Luke was suddenly very serious...

“So… how are you?”

“I am alright…. Can’t complain, I guess”

“You look tired”

“I’ve been working long hours”

Luke smiled at that

“Directing?”

“Yeah… I’m working on TV, now. And you? Are you writing?”

Noah was really proud of himself. He didn’t know he was capable of talking without thinking… he could just look at him. He wanted to feel him too. Would it be too awkward if he just touched Luke’s face? If he traced his lips with his fingers?

“Actually I got a book published a couple of years ago…”

“Really?”

Luke smiled proud of himself.

“Yes… I still feel silly about it, to tell you the truth.”

“Did you publish it with your real name? I haven’t seen it….”

And he have looked for it, oh, so much… wandering around bookshops all over NY to see if he could find at least something with his name on it…. Something that would make him feel closer to him.

“It hasn’t made it to NY, I guess, but it was quite a success back in Chicago”

“That’s where you live?”

“No, I spent some years there after college but I went back to Oakdale 4 years ago. We live in a house near the farm”

See? He knew Luke would be living in Oakdale, near his family. Noah would do it if he could…

“My granddad has horses, you know?”

Noah smiled remembering Holden

“You have a great granddad”

Aaron smiled at that

“You know my granddad?”

Noah thought of Holden, the father he had always wished for. Always there to support Luke. And he helped Noah a lot too, even if he hadn’t liked him very much at the beginning.

“I met him a long time ago, will you say hi to him from me when you go back home?”

“OK”

Luke couldn’t help but feel for Noah, he looked lost, and sad, and alone and… he wanted to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be fine. He laughed to himself. Yeah, like he could do just that, right now… Noah would probably think that he was crazy. He was probably losing his mind anyway, why did it make him so happy to see Noah talking to Aaron? Seeing them getting along made him feel complete.

“Will you remember my name? Noah?”

Aaron laughed

“Yes, Noah, it’s easy, like the man that had a boat with lots of animals, right?”

Noah laughed, couldn’t help it. The kid was making him happier that he had ever been in the last 10 years… and it had to be Luke’s and someone else’s son… it hurt so much…

“Aaron? Luke?”

Noah saw a tall man walking towards them and wanted to die there, at that exact moment

“Hi, Tom, come here, I want you to meet someone”

Noah felt panic, he couldn’t meet Luke’s husband, he just couldn’t…. oh, please, no… please…

“I… I have to go… I… it’s late and I have to… “

He left the store before Luke had time to think.

A few minutes later Noah opened the door to his apartment and closed it leaning on the door. He left himself slide down till he was sitting on the floor.

Shit, shit, shit… He held his head in his hands and felt the tear falling down his cheek… another night, another tear…

Chapter 5