“Shit!”

Luke entered his apartment feeling angrier than he would’ve thought possible. He threw the keys at the table but missed and didn’t bother picking them up from the floor. His cell phone started ringing and he answered

“WHAT!”

“Luke?”

“Yes!”

“Are you okay?”

“No, shit, I am not…”

“I’m sorry, did anything happen today?”

“You are not going to believe it!”

“What is it?”

“I saw him again”

“Who? Noah?”

“Yes, of course Noah, who else? What are the chances, Maddie?”

“I don’t know… it’s quite amazing, to tell you the truth. Did you get to talk to him this time?”

“Talk to him? Good one…”

He groaned remembering the way he had shouted at Noah, ha sat down

“I shouted at him… in the subway”

He could hear Maddie laughing

“You shouted at him, mh? That’s…”

“Crazy, I know… shit, I had to leave the train two stops earlier because of the way people were looking at me… like I was gonna pull a gun on them or something”

“What did he do?”

“He just stood there looking at me smiling half the time”

“Smiling again? And you didn’t hit him?”

“No… something very weird happened, Madds”

“What? You mean apart from you shouting in the subway?”

Luke smiled

“Yeah, apart from that”

“You mean weirder?”

“Yes, Madds, weirder”

“What?”

“He said sorry to me…”

“He apologized? What for?”

“For letting me believe that he was gay”

“You’re kidding”

“No…”

“But that’s crazy, he is gay”

“Maybe he’s not…”

“Come on, Luke, we both know he was gay”

“Why would he say that to me, then? We are 27 years old now, old enough to know for sure if you are gay or not, don’t you think?”

“But it doesn’t make any sense”

“Maybe he was so confused over his father’s shit that I made him think that he was gay”

“That’s crazy”

“Maybe it’s not… I don’t know, to tell you the truth. I don’t want to think about it anymore. He’s gone, we are nothing to each other”

“But you still have feelings for him”

“I didn’t expect seeing him, that’s all. I just have to forget about him”

“Easier said than done, and I’m talking from experience here”

“Oh, Madds… I’m sorry”

“Stop apologizing, you did it enough 7 years ago”

“Still… I am sorry”

“Shut up, I have to go, will you call me soon?”

“Yes, I promise, and sorry I yelled at you”

“It’s ok, that’s what friends are for. Bye, hun”

“Bye, Madds”

He hang up the phone and put his head in his hands.

“You and I... For you it's not wrong, but for me, it is”

“That doesn't make any sense”

It really didn’t make any sense at the time, but…

“Maybe we should talk”

“There’s really nothing to talk about”

“But I feel like there is something”

“Whatever you think happened… it didn’t”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’m not… I’m not gay”

I never said that he was…

Everything that happened 7 years ago was back to haunt him. Maybe he made a mistake? Could it be that he pushed Noah too hard? Enough to make him think that he was gay?

“It was a joke, ok? Don’t make more of it than what it was!!”

Was that first kiss a joke? Didn’t feel like it, not to him, but of course, he had fallen for the guy. He didn’t know what Noah felt for him. But he kissed him again…

“I shouldn’t have kissed you”

“We kissed each other, Luke, and I don’t regret that, that was the best thing that happened to me in a very long time”

That’s what he said after they kissed again, after his dad said all those horrible things to him.

“Luke, we talked about this before, I can’t… I can’t be gay, it’s not gonna happen”

“Because of your father?”

“Because of a lot of things, why can’t you just let it go?”

Why couldn’t he just let it go? Why did he keep pushing and pushing?

“Ok, you know what? Maybe you are right, I mean, how hard can it be to fake a life with somebody? Sharing a bed, meals, sex… You and Maddie on vacation with your old dad…”

“That’s the life I want!”

Maybe he did want that life. Maybe that’s the life he had now, with the woman that was with him the other day.

Could it be possible that he had been so blind?

To be continued...