Title:High School Crush Chapter:6 Rating:PG-13 Summary:Luke sees a Doctor.Noah brings homework. Characters:Luke,Noah,Doctor,Lily,Holden,The Dramons Genre:Romance,Drama Warnings:Language Disclaimer: This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

"I have been planning out all that I'd say to you since you slipped away. Know that I still remain true. I've been wishing out the days. Please say, that if you hadn't have gone now, I wouldn't have lost you another way. From wherever you are....come back. And these days, they linger on. And every night, as I'm waiting on the real possibility I may meet you in my dream, I go to sleep. And sometimes you're there and you're talking to me. Come the morning, I could swear you're next to me. If I don't fall apart, will the memories stay clear?" Eddie Vedder/pearl jam


Luke suddenly sat up in bed in the middle of the night. He was bathed in a cold sweat, his heart was racing, and he was hyperventilating.

'Mom!' He yelled hoarsely.

She came running in his room. 'Another dream honey?'

Luke nodded. 'He.. he talked to me.' His lips trembled and he took in a shaky breath.

Lily sat next to him on the bed.She said, 'Oh, honey.' She hated to see her son in mental anguish. She rubbed his back to reassure him that she was there for him.

He moved away from her. 'Stop it! Drake used to do...that!' He wept silently.

'I know you miss him Luke. Your dad and I will help you through this. It will be alright.' Lily tried to comfort Luke.

Luke rose his voice. “Don't say that! It's NOT going to be alright! He's gone mom! He's freakin' NEVER, EVER coming back.'

'I know Luke.' Lily held him.

'What if I forget....his smile, his eyes...What if.....I can't remember...?'

Luke sobbed in his mother's arms. She wiped her own tears as Luke's body uncontrollably lurched with every sob.
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Jennifer had been trying to get hold of Luke for the last two weeks. Lily sorrowfully told her that he didn't want to talk to anyone.
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Lily tried to get Luke to come downstairs to talk to his friends when they would visit or call, but he wouldn't budge from his bed. He stayed in his room and withdrew from the world.

Jennifer tried to phone Luke again on Thursday night and talked to Lily.

'Hello Jennifer.' Lily spoke.

Jennifer asked, 'How is Luke? Do you think he'll talk to me today?'

Lily said, 'I'll ask him. I hope he will talk to you. He won't talk to Holden or me. He's trying to get through this without our help. He needs friends right now. I'm thinking of calling Jake or Noah do you have their numbers?'

'Yes I do.' She gave the phone numbers to Lily, then she said, 'Try Noah first.'

'Okay, Thank you Jennifer, I'll go see if he'll come down.'

Lily was ecstatic when she finally got Luke to to answer the phone.

'Hello Jen.' Luke sounded listless.

Jennifer, trying to sound cheerful for him, said, 'Hi how are you?'

Luke sounded tense when he answered. 'What kind of question is that? How do you think I'm doing? I'm devastated.'

Jennifer was taken aback and stated, 'I'm sorry Luke. I'm just concerned about you.'

'I'm sorry too' Luke said regretfully.

'I miss you, when are you coming back to school?'

'I'm gonna try on Monday, but I'm leaving if ANYONE comes over and tries to console me.'

'Even Noah and Jake?' She asked.

Luke nodded and said, 'Yes, them too.'

'Why? We all are worried about you. We love ya. They call your cell phone and you don't answer.'

'Well now you can tell them how I am. I gotta go Jen. Bye.' He hung up and went back to his room.
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Lily held the paper with Noah 's and Jake's phone numbers written on it. She called Noah.

She said, 'Hello, Noah? This is Luke's mother, Lily.'

Noah brightened up, 'Oh hi Mrs. Snyder. How is Luke doing?

Lily responded warmly, 'Please, call me Lily. Actually, that's what I called about. I have a favor to ask you.'

'Sure Mrs. Snyd.. umm.. Lily. What do you need?'

'I was wondering if you wouldn't mind bringing some of Luke's homework over tomorrow?'

'Sure, I can have the bus drop me off there after school. I'll need a ride home though.'

'That's no problem Noah, and thank you.'

They said their goodbyes as Luke came downstairs. He helped himself to a couple of cookies and orange juice, then sat at the kitchen table.

Lily was happy to see him downstairs on his own and to see him get his appetite back.

'Luke, a friend of yours is bringing some homework for you tomorrow after your Doctor's appointment.

Luke started to walk away unresponsive to lily's statement.

Lily said, 'Luke, did you hear me?'

Luke answered with emptiness in his voice, 'Yeah. G'night mom.'

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Lily drove Luke to his Doctor's appointment on Friday afternoon. She waited in the waiting room reading a magazine while Luke talked to his psychiatrist, his fourth time in two weeks.

She had prescribed some medicine to help him sleep.She said, 'Hello Luke, how are you doing?'

He quietly said, 'hi.'

She asked him, 'Is there anything specific that you'd like to talk about today?'

Luke shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.

'How are you sleeping?'

'A little better. I'm not awake all night.' Luke answered.

'Good. How is your mood, generally?'

Luke took a big breath and slowly let it out. He looked at the floor. 'I feel guilty, alone and sad. Take your pick.'

She said, 'Let's start with guilt again.'

'I already told you this! I feel if Noah hadn't moved here I wouldn't have feelings for him or felt a 'connection' with him. I wouldn't have broken up with Drake and wouldn't have....died.'

'So you wouldn't have those feelings about Noah if he hadn't moved here.'

'Um..yeah...I just said that!' Luke was getting angry. All this woman did was repeat what he said, only in a different way. Why did his parents think this would help anyway?

'Did you have a connection with Drake? Tell me about him.' She said.

Luke sighed and his eyes clouded over, 'Umm...I was attracted to him. We had a lot of fun together.. and he made me laugh. I told him I loved him. I can't talk about this now. It hurts.'

His Doctor said patiently, 'I know it hurts, but what do you think he would he say to you right now?'

He answered 'I don't know.'

'I bet he would want to see you happy.'

Luke nodded as a tear slipped down his cheek.

'What else do you think he would say?' she asked

'Umm...probably something like get off your ass and do something besides crying like a dork. I don't want to talk about him right now.There's like this thing...in the pit of my stomach twisting and contorting my insides every time I think about him, but If I don't think about him, then I'm afraid my memories of him will fade away.'

'Luke, a lot of people never forget their first love. You seem like the type of man that won't either. It's okay to think about him. You could write about him in a diary, or a journal. I know you like to write.'

Luke nodded.

'So what do you feel guilty about besides wanting to date Noah?'

Luke brushed away a tear and said huskily, 'That Drake died because of me. I broke up with him then he....you know.'

'Guilt makes people feel you're responsible for others' actions. Did you know that Drake was going to die?'

'No.' Luke said softly.

She stated, 'You would have stopped him if you had known what he was about to do.'

Luke ran a hand through his hair. 'Yes! Of course I would have!' He said, getting upset.

'Then why blame yourself or Noah for that matter? You can only control your own actions and how you react. You can't be held accountable for someone else's actions. And, you couldn't have known Drake was unstable. Could you?' She calmly said.

Luke was trying so hard to hold back the sob in his throat. He forced himself to speak.

'I already said! I left Drake, aren't you listening? He loved me and I left him to be with Noah and I'm not even with Noah. I'm so fuckin' angry I let myself fall in love with him!'

She replied 'You can't help who you fall in love with. Luke, the feelings are still there.. even if you push them down. They eventually come bubbling up to the surface. That's what you feel in your stomach. All of these emotions your experiencing. That's why your here, to let some of them go. The ones that aren't healthy for you. They distort your thinking process and you question everything you did up until he died. You wonder if you could have done this or that.'

Luke let that sink in for a bit.

His doctor waited patiently as he bit his lip then looked up at her.

She said, 'Why don't you tell me about Noah.'

'What do you want to know?' Luke asked.

She smiled and said, 'Tell me what you like about him.'

Luke thought and grinned. 'Everything, his smile, his mouth, his lips, his sense of humor, his personality...he's sort of shy until you get to know him, but I like that about him.' Luke became more talkative. 'He does this smile where just one corner of his mouth goes up it's so cute, he's very sympathetic, he took care of me once... when Drake cheated on me, he's a good listener, and he's really smart too. He wants to direct movies someday.' Luke dropped his head down and whispered, mostly to himself, 'and his body.'

His doctor smiled at his change in behavior. He seemed impassioned about Noah and more lively when he spoke about him. 'It sounds like he is a very nice person and a good friend to you.'

'He is.' Luke had that faraway look in his eyes he got when he thought about Noah. He got butterflies in his stomach, but he had to push his feelings for Noah aside. He was still grieving for Drake.

'Have you talked to Noah or told him any of this?' She asked.

'Oh no.. I couldn't right now. I'm still wishing Drake was.. alive. I feel so bad for his mom and dad.'

'Drake left you with all of this pain and hurt, and we can work through that. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you this way because he loved you. I also feel you should tell Noah what you confided in me about how you feel about him. I think it would be helpful for you . Okay? Try and have a good weekend.'

'Yeah, sure.' Luke stood up and said goodbye.
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Luke was tight lipped as Lily drove home. She tried to engage him in conversation, but he sat mute and still as he stared out the window.

He was thinking about Drake's mom and dad. Drake was their only child and now he was gone. He looked down at the ring on hes finger that Drake had given him. It read, Drake 'heart' Luke. He had never taken it off since he got it back from Drake's mom. Tears began to flow as he remembered setting it on the dashboard of Drake's car, then finding it on Drake's finger at the hospital. God! How can I ever get over this?

Lily handed Luke a napkin from her coat pocket. He used it to wipe his eyes and blow her nose.
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Luke promptly went to his room and shut the door. He threw himself on the bed and cried.

Lily came and knocked on the door.

Luke shouted, 'What!!'

'Are you okay?' she asked, opening the door. She sat next to him and brushed the hair out of his eyes with her fingers.

'I'm okay. It was just hard today, talking about him.'

'Why don't you go take a hot shower and relax, you'll feel better.'

Luke nodded. His body was now on auto pilot.
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Luke was drying off and putting on his boxers when Noah knocked on the front door.

Lily and Holden answered the door. They were greeted by a handsome young man with a book bag slung over one shoulder.

He smiled brightly, 'Hi I'm Noah.'

'Lily invited him in and shook his hand as she said, 'Hi, I'm Lily and this is Holden, Luke's dad.'

'Nice to meet you both.' He said shaking their hands. 'Um.. where do you want me to put his things?'

'Oh, I can take you up to his room. You can just put it all in there.' Holden said.

Noah held his hand up and said, 'Don't trouble yourself. I've been here before studying poetry with Luke. I know where it is.'

Holden smiled and said, 'Go on up then, but I have to warn you, he's had a rough day ever since he returned from seeing his Doctor.'

Luke was laying on the bed on his back. He was holding his hand up near his face while staring at the ring on his finger and catching the light on it from his lamp.

Noah opened the door and caught his breath. The room smelled like strawberries and Luke was lying on his back, on the bed, in only light blue boxers.

'Don't you knock anymore mom?.' He yelled without looking towards the door.

Noah couldn't tear his lustful eyes away from Luke's body. He stammered, 'Umm...It's Noah....Luke. I brought some of your homework'.

'Great.' Luke said sarcastically.

Noah stared at Luke while he walked into the room. He breathed heavily, 'Most of the teachers said don't worry about the homework so there's not too much. I can help you if you want. I'll just put everything on your desk okay?'

'Yup.' Luke answered.

'Do you want to talk?' Noah asked.

'About what?' Luke questioned Noah as he rested his hands on his stomach.

Noah replied, 'About anything. Whatever you want.'

Luke shook his head and grumbled, 'I don't want to talk. Sit on the bed. I just want to lay here.'

Noah sat down on the bed by Luke. He noticed that Luke was turning a ring on his finger rapidly.

'What do you have....a ring?' Noah asked, trying to make conversation.

Noah saw Luke's lower lip tremble before he rolled over. He took off the ring and hurled it across the room.

He shouted 'Fucker! He's such a Mother Fuckin' coward! Fuck you DRAKE!'

Noah hurriedly jumped up and closed the door. He sat back on the bed next to Luke.

Luke's body was quivering as he cried. Noah felt helpless. He lightly put his hand on Luke's bare arm. He hadn't touched Luke in so long and it felt electrifying, but this wasn't about him.. it was about Luke.

'What can I do for you bab.... umm, Luke?' God! I almost called him baby! I have to watch what I'm saying!

'Nothing,' Luke sputtered.

Noah slid his hand down Luke's arm and found his hand. Luke squeezed it tightly.

'He's gone.' Luke wept.

Noah whispered, 'I know Luke. Its painful.'

Luke's voice squeaked, 'I did it. I left him and he... left me. I hurt him. His parents said it wasn't an accident Noah.

Noah didn't know what to say. He was totally shocked. He drew his eyebrows together and decided to say, 'Luke? I'm sorry.'

Luke nodded his head. He took one last shaky breath and sighed.

Noah got up and picked out some clothes for Luke to put on. He found the ring on the floor and read it while he faced away from Luke. After he read what it said, he took a deep breath and exhaled. He set the ring on the dresser and handed the clothes to Luke.

Luke took them and got dressed.

'Do you want to look at this homework now or later?' Noah asked.

'Later.' Luke sat back on the bed. Noah sat next to him.

'Do you feel like talking a little more? Cuz you seem better when you do.'

Luke nodded 'I do feel a little better.' He glanced at Noah sideways.

'I feel so empty inside. Everyone including my Doctor says D..Drake....made the....choice...but he would still be....a..alive if I didn't break up with him.' Tears began welling up in his eyes again.

Noah gently took Luke's chin. He turned Luke's face toward his own.

He stared into those big brown eyes and said 'You're a good person Luke. No one blames you except yourself. I want to help you. Will you let me?'

Luke looked at Noah's gorgeous blue eyes.

Noah raised his eyebrows, waiting for an answer.

Luke smiled and changed the subject. 'Why have you been so mad at me since the party?'

'Since the party...hmm.' Noah did not want to bare his soul but he couldn't deny his feelings for Luke either. 'I thought you and I shared something meaningful in that room. I guess I read into it though. I'm sorry.'

Luke sadly said, 'I thought we did too.'

'If you felt the same, then why did I see you hugging Drake in the morning after I.....you know..gave you you're first B.J.?' Noah asked angrily.

'I broke it off with him. He was begging me not to... you saw that? Is that why you left?'

'Yes.....If you broke up, then why were you always together, kissing and touching each other in front of me?' Noah retorted.

'We made up only after I thought you discarded me. When you left ... I thought you regretted what you did and I realized I would have cheated on Drake too, if you had wanted me.

'Oh...Luke I wanted you...so bad...but we really just met for the first time that night. You know, actually talked to one another.

Luke looked away and sighed. 'I bet Noah could make me feel better right now, but it's not ...well, maybe...'

Luke looked back at Noah and kissed him eagerly on the lips.

Noah put his hands on Luke's chest and tenderly pushed him away.

Luke frowned and pouted.

Noah said in a calming, smooth voice, 'Luke I can't do this now. The timing is all wrong. You're in mourning right now. This won't help you ba....Luke.' SHIT! I Almost did it again! 'It might take you a while to realize why it won't work, and when you do, I'll be waiting. Is that okay?'

A knock on the door quelled their discussion.

'Boys, dinner is ready.' Lily called through the door.

'Go ahead Noah, I'm not very hungry.' Luke said.

'Are you sure? It smells good.' Noah said.

'Yes.' Luke answered.

The fact was Luke started to think of Drake. All the times that Luke turned him down when Drake wanted to have sex with him. Drake must have felt like this. It felt fuckin' shitty.
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Noah told Lily that Luke wasn't hungry, but he might eat if Noah sat with him in the bedroom.

'By all means. He needs to eat. Oh can you make sure he takes these, they're for sleep.'

She handed him two pills and a glass of water. Noah took that and a plate of Chicken Alfredo upstairs.

He said to Luke, 'Your mom said it was okay if I ate in here. She also told me to give you these pills.

Noah set them and the water on the side table.

'Want some?' Noah asked as he pointed to the plate of food.

Luke shrugged.

Noah sat on the bed. He twirled the pasta around the fork then he pushed a piece of chicken on the end.

Noah smiled and said, 'Here.. try it.'

'I don't try anything Noah....I just do it.' Luke said.

He licked his lips, opened his mouth sensually for Noah then closed his plump, luscious lips around the fork. Moaning 'Mmmmm.'

Noah swallowed hard and pulled the fork slowly out of Luke's mouth.

'Is it good?' He asked breathing heavily at how Luke just moaned and did with his amazing, extraordinary mouth.

Luke played it up after seeing Noah's face and hearing his breathy voice.

Luke threw his head back and whimpered 'ahh...Noaaahh..uh.. its... sooo goooood!'

'Stop that Luke, I can't.... not here, not now. Please?' Noah whispered loudly while shifting uncomfortably.

Luke stuck two fingers in the pasta coating them with the pasta's white sauce. He held up his hand and began by licking his palm. He gradually licked up, swirling his tongue around his fingers ever so slowly savoring the taste of cream sauce. When he got to his fingertips he opened his mouth, stuck his fingers in, and pulled them in and out gently sucking on them .

'Dammit Luke.' Noah whispered pulling Luke's fingers out of his mouth. 'Am I supposed to walk around here with a continual hard on..... because I'm sure someone will definitely notice!!'

'Hmmmm I definitely noticed.' Luke's eyes sparkled.

'You can notice all you want. You not getting any of MY white sauce tonight.' Noah smiled and got up. He un-tucked his tee shirt and walked to the door.

'Where are you going?' Luke asked.

'To the bathroom, I've got something I need to uh.... 'unload'

Luke rose his hand and stood on the bed. 'Oh, I want to 'unload' too.'

Noah smiled at Luke it had been so long since he saw him smiling and happy.

'Noah' Luke murmured under his breath. ' We could 'unload' together.'

'Luke! Your parents and sisters are right downstairs.'

'That's right Noah, they aren't up here. Well then, least lay by me, I promise I won't touch ....him.' Luke said nodding to Noah's crotch.

Noah joked, 'Fine move over and don't hog the bed.'

Luke wiggled his cute ass over to one side of his bed.

Noah gave Luke his medicine and he downed it with some water.

Noah teased Luke again. 'Let me see.'

Luke opened his mouth wide.

Noah laughed. 'I'm kidding Luke. I'm sure you swallowed them.'

They layed on their backs staring at the ceiling. 'What are you thinking about Luke?'

Luke began to sniffle 'I'm remembering how you fed me tonight, and the last time Drake fed me. It was at the diner. He..He fed me a french fry.' Tears rolled down his face.

Noah wanted to kiss his tears away and make him feel better, but knew he'd only be doing it for selfish reasons.

Noah said softly, 'I remember, he got ketchup on your mouth then he licked it off.'

Luke nodded and rubbed his eyes.

Luke said sadly, 'He really liked you Noah. He wanted to help you with your dad. He wanted the three of us to go out to a movie, or take a walk, just do a bunch of things together so you wouldn't be all alone with that bastard.'

.Noah smiled and wiped a tear from his eye. 'He was a good person Luke.'

Luke smiled sadly and said quietly, 'I know.'

Noah gave him a hug and kissed his cheek.

Luke and Noah layed on their sides facing each other. Luke touched Noah's cheek with his finger and traced an invisible line to his mouth. Luke then followed the outline of Noah lips with his fingertip, barely touching them .

Noah closed his eyes and let out a sigh of content.

Luke slid his fingertip delicately over each of Noah's eyelids. Then down his nose stopping at Noah's chin. Luke tenderly touched the outer shell of Noah's ear, tickling him.

He felt Luke move closer. He opened his eyes as Luke leaned and kissed him with his soft, silky-smooth lips.

Luke gently licked Noah's top lip. Noah moaned deeply, 'Ohh Luke.. you...uhhh.'

Noah pushed Luke down on the bed hovering over him. He knew this was wrong, but Luke was so irresistible.

Passionately he asked in Luke's ear. 'What do you want Luke?'

Luke stomach fluttered and his heart thumped in his chest. He said seductively, 'Kiss me Noah ...Please.'

Noah bent down and kissed Luke on the lips. They both opened their mouth's to taste each other. The kiss soon became heated as Luke grabbed Noah's ass and bucked his hips against Noah's

Noah knew he had gone too far when Luke moaned in his ear 'Fuck me Noah.'

Noah kissed Luke's ear and whispered back. 'That's not what you need baby.'

Luke moaned again. This time at Noah's pet name for him.

'Please?' Luke begged.

'Sorry beautiful, I can't do that to you.' Noah smoothed Luke's hair back.

Luke got tearful. 'Please!!! Noah I want you inside me. I want you to cum in me. Please!'

He began sobbing, tears streaming down his face.

Noah held Luke in his arms. He breathed into Luke's ear, 'Luke, baby, when the time is right. It's not right now. If you want to feel close to me then hug me, okay. Sex isn't going to help you feel better sweetheart.'

There was a loud knocked at the door.

Noah said, 'Come in'

Lily walked in finding her son sobbing in Noah's arms.

Lily was afraid of Luke's state of mind and asked, 'Is he okay? Luke are you okay?'

Noah assured her. 'He'll be fine. We've been talking and he's going through a lot of emotions right now. He misses Drake and I think he misses being close to someone.

Lily smiled thankfully at Noah, 'Thank you Noah for helping him. He has been pushing everyone away. I'm glad you're his friend.'

She closed the door. Noah laid down and cradled Luke in his arms. Luke rested his head on Noah's arm.

Luke quickly fell asleep while Noah stared at the beautiful boy in his arms.
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Noah stroked his blondish hair, running his fingers through it, and smelling strawberries.

Luke started to mumble and jerk in his sleep. Noah quietly whispered 'Shhh' into Luke's ear a few times. Luke stopped moving about and murmuring.
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Noah must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew Lily was trying to wake him up.

She smiled at Noah holding her son as he peacefully slept.

'Holden's going to give you a ride home now. It's 9:30 p.m.' Lily said in a hushed voice.

'Oh sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep. I'm kind of immobile with him lying on my arm.' Noah whispered back.

Noah began to pull his arm from under Luke's neck but his shoulder hurt too much. Luke clutched Noah's waist and wiggled back into Noah's body, then sighed.

Noah whispered, 'What should I do?'

Lily answered, 'We'll have to wake him up.'

Lily came to Luke's side of the bed and shook his arm. 'Luke honey, wake up. Noah needs his arm back, he has to go home. Come on Luke it's getting late.'

Luke opened one eye. Still clutching Noah's waist. 'No, he's staying with me mom.'

Lily stated firmly 'Luke he needs to go home now. I'm sure his parents want him home soon.'

Luke said groggily, 'No. I want him to stay. Don't make him leave.'

Noah spoke up 'Actually, my mom died of cancer when I was young. It's only me and my dad.'

'I'm sorry to hear that Noah.' She looked at Luke and said, 'Luke honey, get off his arm. I'm sure it's asleep by now.' She began to raise her voice. “Luciano! Get your ass up right now!'

Holden walked in and muttered, 'Shh the girls are asleep try to keep your voices down.'

Holden went and shook his son 'Luke, I'm taking Noah home now.' He sighed and asked Noah, 'Can you just pull your arm out?'

'Umm... it was dislocated last week it's still sore. I tried to pull it out already,'

Luke mumbled, 'Can't.. he stay here.. his dad hurts him.'

'What?!' Holden asked.

Noah became fearful and said, 'N...nothing, its nothing. Come on Luke let me go now.'

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Chapter 7