Title: Before the Sun Comes up Chapter: 2/? Rating: PG Characters: Noah, Luke, Claire, and others Warnings: None Disclaimer: This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

Opting for a walk down to the pond, Luke sauntered outside and pushed thoughts of Noah out of his mind. Bare foot he padded his way down the gravel path, cursing when a rock connected with his heel. The sun was hot against his face and it felt good. The wind toyed lightly at strands of his blond hair that he had let get too long. This felt good, he thought again and felt the weight of this mornings fatigue disappear. He lifted his face up to the sky and breathed out a sigh of relief. A walk always did him some good, even in the most foulest of moods. In a way you can almost say it centered him.

As he neared the pond thoughts of Noah had managed to break down the mental wall he had put up. But this time the thoughts didn’t leave him feeling sad or empty. This time they made him smile. Sitting down at the ponds edge, Luke dipped his toes into the water. The water was warm against his toes and soon his feet were completely in the water. Closing his eyes, he laid back against the grass and let himself drift.

There, behind his eyelids, was Noah. He was laughing, his face glowing with pleasure. Luke knew he had done that, had put that look on Noah’s face. His heart swelled. He felt him reach out, felt his hand gently caress his arm.

"Luke," he whispered, his grip on his arm becoming more prominent. "Luke."

Luke shifted into the pressure of Noah’s hand and sighed. It felt so good to have Noah touch him again. Felt so good to feel the heat of his skin. Luke turned onto his side and slowly opened his eyes. His vision was blurry for a moment and he blinked. "Noah?" he asked, confused.

Noah chuckled softly, "Don’t you know you’re not suppose to fall asleep in the sun?"

Lifting his hands above his head, Luke stretched. "Didn’t fall asleep," he murmured, "I was day dreaming."

Noah tilted his head, "What were you dreaming about?"

"Day dreaming," he corrected, "about you."

Noah smiled as he pushed the hair off of Luke’s forehead. "Yeah? What were we doing?"

"Swimming," Luke lied. That’s not what they had been doing. He had told Noah he loved him in the day dream. In the day dream Noah felt the same. "You are so gorgeous with water glistening on your skin by the way."

Noah cocked his head towards the water, "Wanna?"

Luke shook his head and grabbed Noah’s hand to pull him down next to him. "Not really," he murmured against Noah’s hair. "Just wanna hold you." It was a moment of weakness and Luke knew it, but he didn’t care. He felt Noah’s arms wrap around him.

"Don’t let go," Noah whispered softly as he buried his head in Luke’s chest. He never wanted to leave Luke’s embrace and the realization of that nearly shocked him to the core. But he didn’t move, didn’t attempt to withdraw from Luke because as much as he wanted to he knew he needed this. Needed this break from pretending. With Luke he never had to pretend. Even when he lied to himself over and over again, Noah knew Luke saw through that. Luke must know how he feels about him, even if doesn’t say it. He just has to.

"I don’t wanna," Luke whispered, hoping he wasn’t pushing it. He felt Noah shift as he looked down at his face. Luke swallowed, his heart racing.

Noah lowered his face, pressed his lips firmly against Luke’s. "I wish," he said, his heart breaking in two, "things were different." He kissed Luke one last time before he got to his feet and slowly walked away.

Luke watched him walk away. He didn’t get up to stop him, couldn’t even if he tried. Lifting up his knees, he pulled himself into a tight ball and fought against the
tears that threatened to fall. Why, he wondered bitterly, do bad things always happen to me?

* * *

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Noah stormed back to his car, tears blurring his eyes. Why did he always do that? Why did he always show Luke more than he intended and than walk away? He was a coward - that’s why. Why couldn’t he just love Luke and let him love him back? As he started his car, Noah wondered if he was ever going to be able to accept that he loves Luke.

Noah continued to sit in his car, the engine idling, his mind lost in regrets. Glancing into his rearview mirror he saw Luke walking back towards the house, his head hung low. His movements were slow and forced. Shit. Killing the engine, Noah got out of his car. He couldn’t explain why he did, couldn’t explain why he didn’t just drive away. But right now, seeing Luke like this he knew he couldn’t leave.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets he slowly made his way towards Luke. "Hey," he said softly as he took a step in front of him.

Luke didn’t say anything as he pivoted around Noah and continued to walk towards the farm. He couldn’t do this anymore, he couldn’t continue to kill himself slowly as he watched Noah step back from him. So, he had decided this game was over. He wasn’t going to play anymore.

"Luke," Noah murmured, but Luke kept walking not bothering to even look at him. "Luke." Grabbing his arm Noah spun Luke around.

Luke felt Noah’s hand on his arm as Noah spun him around to face him. He glared at Noah, his eyes shooting daggers. "Just let me go, Noah."

Noah shook his head, "No."

Luke jerked his arm out of Noah’s hold. "What are you still doing here anyway?"

He shrugged, he didn’t really have an answer. "I don’t know."

Luke laughed sarcastically, "Well either do I." Throwing his hands up in the air in a gesture of frustration, he turned around and began to walk again. He heard Noah’s footsteps next to his.

"What’s wrong, Luke?" Noah asked. His heart was breaking and he didn’t particularly enjoy the feeling.

"If you don’t know, Noah, than I won’t bother wasting my breath." As he reached the door to Emma’s house, he turned to face the love of his life. "Why are we still doing this, Noah?"

"I don’t know."
Luke rolled his eyes. "Is that all you can say, I don’t know?" He took a step towards Noah, cupped his face in his hands. "Good-bye Noah." He pressed his lips against Noah’s before turning and heading into the house.

Noah watched as he disappeared into the house and realized it was the first time that Luke had ever walked away from him. It stung. Rubbing his hand between his chest, he got into his car.

"I’m so fucking sorry, Luke," he murmured. "So fucking sorry."

* * *

He was going into withdrawal. Noah curled his legs up and buried his face in his knees. Two weeks without Luke. Two weeks without talking to Luke. Two weeks without touching Luke. Oh God, he needed to talk to Luke, needed to touch Luke. He knew this was pathetic and just a little sad but he couldn’t help it. He was grieving. Grieving for what he could never really have. Biting down hard on his bottom lip, Noah willed the tears that threatened to fall away. They had both made their choice. Luke had made his decision to push him away, and he, Noah chose to accept it. But he didn’t fucking accept it. In fact he was far from accepting it. What he had with Luke he didn’t want it to end. Wasn’t even close to being ready for it to end.

Noah straightened. If he didn’t want it to end why was he just sitting here and doing nothing?

Muting the tv, Noah tiptoed towards the bedroom he shared with Claire. Poking his head in he heard the sound of Claire’s soft breathing. Deciding he was in the clear, Noah grabbed his coat.

"Where are you going?" Claire wanted to know as she stood in the doorway of their bedroom.

"I thought you were sleeping," Noah said as he turned towards Claire.

"Well I wasn’t." She pointed out. "Where are you going?"

Noah shrugged into his coat, "Out."

She nodded, "I can see that, Noah. Mind telling me where you’re going?"

Frustrated Noah pulled open the door, "You’re not my mother."

Claire watched as Noah slammed the door behind him, watched as the stranger she loved walked away. Yet again. Shaking she lowered herself onto the floor and buried her face in her hands. Noah was killing her and he didn’t even notice. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t make Noah love her the way he once did. Couldn’t make him love her in the way she desperately needed. Well, she thought, as she took a steadying breath, she was just going to have to try harder. Much harder. Picking herself up herself up off the ground, she headed towards the bathroom. She was going to make Noah love her again. Make him want her the way he once did.

* * *

Laying back on the couch, Luke starred blindly at the tv screen. He knew Days of Our Lives was on right now but for the life of him he didn’t know what was going on and he didn’t really care. It was hard enough following his own drama, but to throw daytime drama in it as well... Man you might as well just confuse him now. Grabbing the remote he flipped through the channels, finding nothing that interested him.

Sitting up he turned off the tv. Fresh air, he thought, yeah fresh air sounded good. Pulling open the door he stood there dumbfounded as he starred at the man in front of him.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hey," Luke managed. "What are you doing here?"

He smiled, "Well I was hoping we could talk, you know."

Luke nodded, grabbed his coat. "Okay. I was just heading out for a walk, wanna join me?"

He shrugged, "Sure."