Ok, there they were… and Holden was already looking at him. How he wished he could just disappear. He wished the earth would open up and swallow him. He saw them hug and kiss Luke and saw the happiness they felt whenever the three of them were together. A few years ago he had felt part of that, for a brief moment he had felt like he belonged somewhere. It didn’t last very long but he would never forget the warm feeling.

He felt Lily’s hug and felt a part of the feeling coming back to him, It felt good, too good to be true.

“I am so happy to finally see you again, Noah. It was so sad that we couldn’t be able to meet the last times we came to NY”

“Yes… sorry about that”

“Don’t be silly, honey, we all know what work is when you get last minute things to do. I am just glad we can be together now”

He saw Holden looking at him and he suddenly went back in time to that moment in the hospital. After the officer talked to him he approached Lily and Holden to tell them how sorry he was and Holden just turned his back on him. He felt cold and guilty all over again now.

“Hi, Mr. Snyder, glad you made it alright”

“Hello, Noah”

He didn’t think he could feel any colder if he were to cross the Artic. He could feel Luke’s sadness and wished he could make it all better

“So, let’s go… we have a reservation in a restaurant in 10 minutes”

“Let’s go, then”

They all left the apartment and walked to the restaurant. Once there they were seated at a table for 4, Noah facing Lily and Luke and Holden by each of his sides. Luke held Noah’s hand as soon as they were all sitting down and Noah just looked at his joined hands

He wanted to marry him. This amazing and perfect guy wanted to marry him. He must’ve done something good in his life if someone like Luke loved him, right? He couldn’t be such a bad person if Luke was going to tie himself to him for life.

They all ordered and made small talk. Noah couldn’t bring himself to say much during dinner and felt like a failure more and more with each second. He was sorry for Luke. He knew his family were important to him, and Holden was the person he admired and loved more than any other. He knew that, and yet he couldn’t make himself talk to him, say something to make the dinner less cold.

When it was over he excused himself and went to the restroom wishing to escape from the events of the evening.

He’s marrying me, he is… he loves me, I can’t be that bad…

He washed his hands and put some water on his face trying to calm his nerves and quiet his thoughts. When he looked up he saw Holden’s reflection in the mirror. He scared him… he was just standing up behind Noah, watching him quietly

“Mr. Snyder… I didn’t hear you come in…”

“No, I guess you didn’t”

Noah just looked at him and waited for the storm to start.

“So… you are getting married”

“What?”

“Luke and you”

“He told you while I was gone?”

“No, he told me a week ago that he wanted to propose and looking at him now and knowing him I thought that he probably had asked you already”

“I said yes, Mr. Snyder, you probably wished I hadn’t but”

“Don’t go putting words in my mouth, now”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“You left my son paralized in a hospital bed and never came back”

There it is… out in the open. His worst fear coming true in the restroom of a restaurant.

“I have talked to Luke about that”

“You did exactly what I wanted you to do”

Noah turned around and looked at him. He knew that Holden had wanted him to go but he never expected him to admit it.

“I wanted you out of Luke’s life and gone, and you did it… The truth is that I never liked you very much”

No surprise there

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to like me… my own father never did”

“I am not your father”

“And that’s why I don’t expect you to do something my father couldn’t do. Luke needs your approval. He needs to think that we are fine with each other and I want him to be happy. I am going to pretend that we get along for him… and I hope that you’ll do the same. For him”

He felt like he was going to cry any minute, his eyes were tearing up and he felt sad and alone. And sorry for Luke… maybe there was something wrong with him after all

“You leaving Oakdale only made Luke more miserable”

“I already said that I talked to Luke about that and he forgave me”

“I never apologized to him for making you feel guilty”

Noah looked at him with his mouth opened

“It was my fault as much as yours and I am sorry. I have wanted to tell you this in person from the moment he told us that you two were together again. But I never had that chance up until now. So I’ll take it. I am sorry, Noah. I hope you can forgive me”

“But… it was me…”

“Your father was a criminal who had messed with your mind for years, and you were just a confused kid. Now, tell me. You think you wouldn’t have stayed in Oakdale if I had been nicer to you that day in the hospital?”

Noah didn’t answered that. They both knew he wouldn’t have gone anywhere.

“I am sorry”

“No… it’s not… okay…”

“I do like you, just so you know. Luke has been calling me every week for the past year and he can’t get any happier, and it’s all thanks to you. You make him happy, Noah, and I am proud of you for what you did.”

Noah saw Holden smile and wanted to cry even more than before

“He broke your hand and you still went back, risking getting the other hand broken as well. You just kept insisting”

“I love him… I would’ve died trying”

“I know, and I am glad you did it, son”

“So… you don’t mind me saying yes to him?”

Holden laughed

“Don’t you know what they say? I won’t be loosing a son, I’ll be getting one more”

Noah just couldn’t believe it. They had Holden’s approval, not only that, he was happy for them and he had apologized. He felt all the tension leaving his shoulders, all the fears gone. He just prayed he could hold the tears back.

“You okay, son?”

“Yes… yes, I’m sorry, I just… sorry…”

He rubbed his face with his hands

“Hey”

Noah looked at Holden and saw the big smile on his face

“You know that if I get a son that means that you’ll get a father if you want me”

The tear started falling down his cheek the moment Holden said that.

“Come on, son. I can’t be that bad”

And then they were both laughing, and Noah was crying too, all at the same time. He felt Holden hugging him and couldn’t stop laughing nor crying. He heard the door being opened and they both turned to see Luke standing in the doorway with a confused look in his eyes

“What is going on?”

Holden smiled at him

“Nothing, I was just congratulating him, I guessed you wouldn’t be able to wait and I was right”

Luke smiled

“You know me well, did he tell you that he said yes?”

“Yes, he did, and I am happy for both of you”

Luke looked at Noah and wiped the tears away from his cheeks

“Come on, you silly man”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I…”

Luke smiled and kissed him

“I guess you two talked and everything is fine? You forgave each other and all that?”

Noah nodded smiling still fighting with himself to hold back more tears and saw Holden smiling too

“Yes, he did forgive me. Should we go back to our table?”

“Yes, we’ll be there in a minute, dad”

“I’ll see you there”

Holden left the restroom and Luke caressed Noah’s face and kissed him

“Better now?”

“Yes… he doesn’t hate me”

“He hated himself for a while more that he hated you, believe me”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried, but you wouldn’t’ve believed me anyway. And he needed to apologize to you in person”

“We are getting married, Luke”

Luke smiled

“Yes, I guess we are…”

To be continued...