Title: Just Like That (He Left/One Shot) Chapter: 1/1 (possible sequel?) Rating: R Summary: Noah left, Luke turns to the bottle and to Zoe. But does he push her away, or does he allow the vodka and resentment to make the biggest mistake ? Characters: Luke, Zoe, mention of Noah/Damian, Lily and Holden Genre: ANGST Warnings: COURSE LANGUAG. Disclaimer: This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.

AN: a random creation of my boredom. i am, as you can see, an angst fanatic. i love it, i can roll around it in, bask in it. yeah, i am truly messed but can you blame me? i do angst so well - at least i like to think i do. i stroke and boast my own ego. i love it. lmao. so here is yet another work of my angsty Luke. I know people do not like the twins, but in this and probably the sequel to come the twins will be good. I promise. Noah will come back from Portugal, and maybe realize that a fucking douche bag he is. Or maybe he won't come back at all? Whooo knows. I truly want to continue this, possibly make it a series. WHO KNOWS. It all depends on whether I get a positive response or not. So I guess, enjoy... :)



Noah was gone. Gone - just like that. He had just packed a duffel bag, got on a plane and went to Portugal - just like that. Noah hadn’t bothered to pick up the phone, dial his number and let him know he was leaving the damn continent. No, Noah did what he always did when things got tough, when things got a little too heated for his liking. He packed a bag and left, leaving him alone - again. He said they needed some space, some time apart. Well fuck space and fuck time apart. Fuck Noah Mayer - the stupid prick. Each time Luke allowed himself to get closer to Noah, allowed himself to be who he was Noah left him. Always.

But to make matters worse this time around it felt as though Noah - his own boyfriend - was siding with his father instead of him. And when he said his father, he didn’t mean Holden Snyder he meant the infamous Damian Grimaldi, the one who tried to turn him straight. Luke had thought for sure he would never see Damian Grimaldi again, would never have to deal with all that pain again but he had been wrong. Just when things with Noah, his foundation were going so good he showed up. Ruining everything.

And now Noah was gone and Luke had no idea for how long. Noah’s absence could range from a couple days to a week. Maybe longer. Luke vowed that when Noah got back from his fucking unplanned, lets-not-discuss-this-with-Luke vacation he was going to kick the shit out of Noah-his so called boyfriend-Mayer. Fucking prick.

Every time I let myself love you Noah, you push yourself away. Why? Hitting pause on the dvd remote, Luke lifted himself off of the couch and made his way towards the liquor cabinet. He opened the cabinet door, fingered his favored vodka before taking it out. He knew it was a bad idea, knew it was risking his health. But who the fuck cared about his health? He didn’t, at least not right now. His heart was being torn into a thousand pieces and no one could do anything to help fix it. Not his family, not Jade, not Casey.....not even Zoey Finn. How else was he suppose to drown his sorrows? How else was he going to forget, at least for now, that Noah never really loved him? He needed to forget, fuck he needed to forget. He closed his eyes, mentally wishing that someone was in the house right now - someone, anyone to stop him from what he was about to do.

But there wasn’t. There was only him and the vodka bottle in his hand. One too many times has he made the choice to live his life at the bottom of a vodka bottle - he promised himself after everything with Brian that it wasn’t going to happen again. But of course that was a lie - after all he never factored in that chance that Noah would leave him - again. Why Noah can’t you just love me? Is it so hard, so impossible just to love me?

Pouring himself a generous amount, Luke put the shot glass to his lip, threw his head back and downed the clear liquid. He winced slightly at the burn as it slid down his throat but he relished the burn because it made him forget - almost. Pouring himself another finger, he downed that as well before taking the shot glass and vodka bottle with him back to the couch.

With the vodka bottle between his legs, Luke stared blindly at the tv screen. On it was a home video that Noah made for him for his birthday. It featured his sisters, his parents but mostly it was just them. Luke and Noah. Noah and Luke. He stared at their happy faces and wondered what ever happened to that. Wondered where all that happiness had gone. What had he done wrong to make Noah leave? He put the shot glass on the table and gripped the top of the vodka bottle with his hand and brought it to his lips. Fuck the stupid shot glass, he thought as he began to drink the liquid straight from the bottle. He wanted to be numb, so numb that he wouldn’t feel.

Putting the lid on the vodka bottle he set it down on the coffee table and stared at it. He wanted to pretend it was Noah and suck the hell out of it. Drink all of the contents it contained and pretend that it was the bitter sweet taste of Noah filling his mouth. Luke groaned as he pushed his head against the back of the couch - just thinking about Noah filling his mouth caused lil’ Luke to respond in ways he shouldn’t. Not with Noah on another continent, not when all Luke wanted to do was castrate the bastard.

The ringing of his cell interrupted his thoughts of Noah and castration. He pushed open his phone and slurred a friendly, "Hello."

"Luke?" A female voice on the other end asked. "Is that you?"

"S’ me." Luke said. " Who ‘zis?"

"Well I’ll be damned," Zoe chuckled. "You’re drunk."

"S’ not."

"The spirits don’t lie," Zoe said, "now open the fucking door its cold outside."

"Z?" Luke frowned, "s’ outside?"

"Yes. Now open the door and we can drunk together."

"S’ kay." Luke hung up, staggered his way to the door. He pulled it open, beamed at the woman who stood outside. "Zoey Finn!" He pulled her into a tight hug.
"Missed you."

"Missed you too, Luke." Zoey said, hugging Luke back. "Now where did you stash the liquor?"

Luke pointed to the coffee table. "S’ almost gone."

Zoe picked up the bottle, pouted. "How come you didn’t call me earlier? Geezus, Luke. You can’t drink alone."

"Why not?" Luke asked, pulling Zoey down to sit beside him on the couch.

"Just a role of Z." She smiled, placing her hand on Luke’s leg. "Are you drinking because Noah left?"

Luke nodded and let his forehead fall against Zoe’s. "He doesn’t love me."

"That’s not true," Zoe said softly. "Z knows true love when she sees it."

"No," Luke whined. "Noah doesn’t love me. He left. A...again. He always leaves."

Zoe wrapped her arms around Luke. "Shh," she murmured. "He’ll come back, Luke. He loves you, trust me. Zac has done his fair share of trying to corrupt your boyfriend but he only has eyes for you. Only has room in his heart for you."

Luke wiped his nose. "I wish that was true."

Zoe pulled back, took Luke’s chin in her hand. "It is, Luke. You better fucking believe that. Noah loves you. He does." She kissed his cheek tenderly, paused momentarily before slowly easing back. Her eyes met with Luke’s brown ones and she swore she saw desire, even lust there.

"Luke?" she asked.

He didn’t say anything, didn’t think he could because at the moment be truly began to question his own sexuality. What he was feeling, fuck, he’s never felt it before. Attraction to a woman? Pfft, it was absurd but yet he was feeling it. He blamed it on the vodka. "Zoey." he murmured, his face inching closer to her’s until their lips were a breath away from each other.

"What are you doing?" Zoe whispered, praying to God that he was going to kiss her. She’s been dying to feel that mouth on hers. She knew it had been no good wanting him, considering he was gay and all.... but the way he was looking at her just now.....

Luke moistened his lips. "I really don’t know. I’ve never done this."

"What?" She asked, her lips touching his lightly. "Kiss a girl?"

"I’ve kissed a girl," Luke whispered. "But never one that I’ve been attracted to."

"Oh," Zoe murmured, her eyes still locked onto his. "Kiss me."

Luke frowned slightly, hesitating. "I don’t know if I should."

Zoe ran her hands up Luke’s arms, cupping the back of his neck. "Just go with what you feel right now, Luke. Live in the moment for once in your life."

"But Noah..." He murmured, "I can’t do this to Noah."

"Noah’s not here, he doesn’t have to know."

Luke thought that over for a moment before crushing his lips to Zoe’s. They were so small, so soft, so gentle compared to Noah’s. Oh God Noah, please don’t hate me for this. He traced the contour of her lips, nipped her bottom lip lightly as her hands explored his back, his chest. When their tongues finally met and began to dance Luke moaned deep in his throat. This was nothing, nothing, like kissing Noah. In fact, if he were to be completely honest it was almost better than kissing his boyfriend. Almost, but even as his lips, his tongue, became familiar with Zoe’s they longed for the taste of Noah. His hands longed for the feel of Noah. But Noah was gone - again and Zoe was here. Zoe was here right now, in his arms, in his lap - everywhere.

But even as his crotch responded to her touch, his mind and heart did not. His questions, his fears about his sexuality vanished, along with all confusion that he felt moments earlier. He pushed Zoe away, pushed her off of him and scrambled to his feet. He couldn’t do this, didn’t want to. He cringed as his body tensed, his erection deflated.

"I’m so sorry," Zoe whispered, her voice small and sad. "I...fuck Luke, I’m sorry." She buried her face in her hands. Yeah, Luke’s rejection hurt but it didn’t hurt nearly as much as the look on his face did. She had taken advantage of him and his fragile state and she hated herself for it. Typical Z, she thought bitterly, always wanting someone she can’t have. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wishing that her brother were here.

Shit, Luke thought as heard the sadness in Zoe’s voice. Taking a deep, calming breath he sat down next to Zoe, placed a hand on her knee. "Zoe, I should be sorry. That wasn’t fair to you."

"No." She murmured, her voice holding venom. "It wasn’t."

He sighed. "I’m sorry Zoe."

Pushing her legs down she got to her feet. "Yeah whatever." She walked to the door, pulled it open. "Bye Luke."



See what happens when you leave me Noah? I’m so fucking lost without you. You keep me grounded. You keep me centered. For fuck sakes Noah, you are my reason for living, for breathing and when you’re not around I lose myself, I forget who I am. When you’re not around Noah, I suffocate. There’s no air for me to breath, Noah. You’re not here and I can’t fucking breath. Did you ever really love me Noah? If you did, if you do, how come you keep leaving me? Deserting me when I need you most in my life?

Luke down the rest of the contents in the vodka bottle before staggering up to his room. The vodka had done nothing to numb the pain, done nothing to help from forget. In fact the vodka had betrayed him tonight. Just like his father. Just like Noah.

Why was it the things that he loved betrayed him? First his father and now Noah. Maybe it was the alcohol, but Luke could see that Damian and Noah had a lot in common. Well maybe one thing - Luke and their plan to destroy him.

Good old daddy dearest want to turn him straight and probably attempted to kill him with that hit and run stunt and Noah well, Noah just wanted to kill him. Murderer of a broken heart. He collapsed on his bed, giggled uncontrollably. Murder of a broken heart - was that even fucking possible? He sure as hell thought so - or was it that vodka that thought that? Whatever it was, it made sense to him. Murder. Broken heart. Noah Mayer.

Rolling onto his side, he squeezed his eyes shut and willed images and thoughts of Noah-fucking-Mayer to vacate his head. You’re not welcome anymore, Noah. Get the fuck out. I’m sure you and Damian will be great fucking friends. Fuck you’s both. You’s both leave me when I need you’s most. Well, you know that, I don’t need either of you anymore. He glanced at the empty vodka bottle on his dresser, and I sure as hell don’t fucking need you anymore, either. You betrayed me, just like my father and my fucking so called boyfriend. Climbing out of bed the took the vodka bottle in his hand and threw it across the room. It hit the wall with a bang before smashing into a thousand tiny pieces. Just like my heart.

God Noah, god! Why did you leave? Why? Why? Can’t you see that I am so fucking lost without you? You ground me, center me. And as cliche as this is, Noah Mayer, you complete me. My opposite, my other half.

He heard the sounds of hurried footsteps on the stairs and he sighed deeply. His parents were home - shit, and obviously the had heard him smash the liquor bottle.

Taking a deep breath he braced himself for the wrath of his parents and the disappointment he would see in their eyes. Fuck it. They can be disappointed all they want. I can’t change who I am, can’t change the fact that I get drunk when things got too complicated. My drinking is like Noah’s leaving. And this time around, again, Noah’s leaving caused my drinking. This is all Noah’s fault.

He turned when his door opened, smiled a drunken smile. "Mom, Dad." He raised his hand, flipping off of his parents. "Fuck you." Then everything went black.


TBC, maybe?