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Love or Art
| Title: love or art|
Summary: The day of Holden's funeral - the way it SHOULD have been on the show
Characters: Luke, Noah, Mason, Aaron, Lily, Faith, Lucinda
Disclaimer: This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.
“Are you sure you’re going to be ok on your own?” Noah asked for the thousandth time that day as he packed some clean clothes into a duffle bag.
“I’ll miss you.. but I’ll be ok, I promise. I’ll just go stay at my pa- ... I’ll go stay with my mum” Luke corrected himself. “Help out with the girls and Ethan.”
“I’m just going to call Mason, tell him I can’t go. I need to be here now.” Noah said determined and took his phone out of his pocket and dialled Mason’s number.
Luke snatched the phone from his boyfriend’s hand and snapped it shut.
“Noah are you crazy? Jude Law is interested in your script. You don’t say no to someone like Jude Law.”
“I’m not saying no.” Noah protested. “I’m saying now is a bad time and I’m saying let’s reschedule because I want to pay my respects to a man that was more of a father to me than my own father.”
A sad smile appeared on Luke’s face and he let Noah pull him into a hug.
“I know you want to be there too.. but my dad.. he would’ve understood you know. He would’ve said the same thing I am. You can’t let this opportunity pass you by.”
Noah sighed and tightened his hold on Luke.
“I just feel like the worst boyfriend in the world for just taking off and letting you deal with this on your own.”
“You are not the worst boyfriend in the world. And you’re not just taking off. You’re working on your dream. And no-one, including my dad will blame you for that.”
“What if I don’t want to go?”
“Yeah right, you’d rather go to a funeral and deal with my messed up family than go to sunny LA and meet an A list celebrity.. that you have a crush on.”
“What?!” Noah said, not believing his boyfriend had just called him out on his apparently not so secret celebrity crush.
“You heard.” Luke said innocently. “Do you have everything you need?”
“I’m not going.” Noah said again and sat down on the bed.
“Noah, please, do it for me.” Luke pleaded. “I know you’ll regret this for the rest of your life if you don’t go. And I don’t want to be the reason for that. I don’t want to be the one that makes you think
‘What if’ for the rest of your life.”
Noah let himself fall backwards and stared at the bedroom ceiling.
He felt Luke lying down next to him and wrapping his arms around him
“It’s not that I don’t want you here. Because I do, I want you with me all the time right now. But I’m not asking you to give up your dreams for me. I’m not that selfish.”
“You’re too selfless, that’s your problem.” Noah said, rolling onto his side to face his boyfriend.
“Since when is that a bad thing?”
“Since you won’t let me take care of you when you need it. It’s ok to be a little selfish sometimes, Luke.”
“I know, and the same goes for you. What if this will be your big break and you say no to it?”
Luke wanted to reply but the buzzing sound coming from their living room told them someone was downstairs, pushing the button next to sign with their names on it.
“That’s probably Mason. I’ll go buzz him in, you get your stuff ok.” Luke said as he got up from the bed.
“You know I’d think you have plans with your other boyfriend and that’s why you want me gone so badly.” Noah called out after his boyfriend, no intention of getting up from the bed.
Luke rolled his eyes as he pushed the button to open the front door downstairs.
“Noah I can’t ask you to give this up. It might feel good to have you there with me later and especially tonight but I know I’ll feel guilty for making you stay. I’ll never forgive myself.” he said as he
opened the door to their apartment so Mason wouldn’t have to knock.
“I’ll forgive you. Hell, I’ll never blame you in the first place.” Noah said, walking into the living room.
“I know you wouldn’t. But please go on this trip and knock Jude’s socks off, make sure he sees how amazing you are. And then when you come back home I promise you can take care of me as
much as you like.”
“You’re annoying when you’re trying to make me do something I don’t want.” Noah said and gave Luke a quick kiss.
“I know. That’s why it will be good for you to get away from me for a few days.” Luke said, stealing another kiss.
“Hi.. I’m not interrupting anything am I?” Mason asked, after knocking on the opened door and Luke thought he seemed uncomfortable.
“No, everything is fine, isn’t it baby?” Luke said, directing the last part of his sentence at Noah who raised his eyebrows at the term of endearment.
“Yeah, we’re ok.. just some.. last minute nerves I guess.”
“There’s no need for that Noah. I talked to my buddy again this morning and he made a few notes on your script, he has some tips for you and we’ll have a lunch meeting with The Law tomorrow.” Mason said sounding like an over excited teenager. “But we have to get going now, I have a taxi waiting downstairs.”
“Right ok.. I’ll see you Sunday afternoon then.” Noah said, turning to Luke, still not sure he was making the right decision.
“Yes you will. I’ll be right here when you get back. And I’ll want to hear all about your meeting with “The Law”.” Luke said, using air quotes, happy to get a chuckle from his boyfriend in reply.
Noah walked into the bedroom to get his bag and pulled Luke into a hug on his way to the front door.
“Call me tonight ok? Call me as soon as it’s over. Call me during, I don’t care. I love you.”
“I love you too. Now go before you miss your plane.” Luke said, kissing Noah one more time before gently shoving him out the door, making sure the tears didn’t fall until he closed the door behind him.
“So how are the nerves? Not too bad I hope?” Mason asked Noah as the taxi turned the corner and the apartment building disappeared from Noah’s sight.
“Hmm? What?” Noah asked as if he only just noticed Mason was sitting next to him.
“I asked if you’re nervous. Are you ok? You seem a little out of it.”
“Yeah, Yeah I’m fine. I’m not nervous.” Noah muttered, looking out the window.
“You don’t look fine.” Mason noted. “If you’re afraid of flying, that’s ok you know. You can squeeze my hand.”
“I’m not afraid of flying. I’m just afraid of making a huge mistake.” Noah replied, closing his eyes as he exhaled.
“A mistake? What kind of mistake? Have you changed your mind about The Law?”
Noah shook his head.
“No, no, Jude Law would be.. perfect really. I’m just not sure if I should be leaving Luke right now. It’s his father’s funeral today.”
“Oh right.. Did you talk to him about it?”
“Of course I did. But Luke would never ever ask me to stay and give this up. That’s just not him. Way too damn selfless.”
“Noah, I told you, your art has to come first. Making films has to be your first love or you’ll never make it.” Mason said, slipping into his college lecturer mode.
“Why should I ignore everything, forget about the rest of the world because I want to be a director? Why should I push Luke to second place because of the fact that I want to make films? Who says they can’t have a shared first place?” Noah said, daring Mason to say something.
“As a beginning filmmaker.. you can’t afford anyone or anything to distract you from your art. Slip up once and there’s at least 10 others to take your place.” Mason said as if he was talking to a little kid.
“I know that. But Luke inspires me. I feel better when he’s around. I just function better when he’s around. Surely you know what that’s like. I bet you and George were the same.”
“In the beginning, yes, we were, I suppose. But let me tell you, if, and that’s a big if, you and Luke are still together in 10 years time, you won’t be so reluctant to go away for a few days. You’ll probably be happy to get away for a while.”
“Who died and made you the expert on relationships?” Noah asked sarcastically.
“I’m just speaking from experience, Noah.” Mason said and got out of the car.
Noah looked around and realised they were at the airport. He was sure the taxi driver had taken a short cut to get rid of them.
Mason paid the driver while Noah took the bags out of the trunk.
“Come on, we’ll have to hurry, we’re running late.” Mason said, taking his bag from Noah and pushing him through the airport’s automatic doors.
“Hey honey, I’m glad you’re here.” Lily said, pulling her eldest son close and kissing his cheek.
“Of course I’m here. Where else would I be?” Luke replied, trying not to break down in his mother’s arms.
Lily nodded and let go of Luke.
“Where is Noah? Is he parking the car?”
“Uh.. no.. he’s not coming..” Luke said, avoiding looking his mother in the eye.
“What? Why not? Couldn’t he get the time off from work?” Lily asked confused.
“No.. he has a few days off.. he’s in LA.. for his film project.”
“He really wanted to be here. I practically had to shove him in the taxi myself. I just couldn’t let him miss this chance.” Luke explained but he could tell his mother didn’t understand.
I can’t say I blame her though, he thought, I don’t even understand it.
“I have to get back inside..I have to take care of the girls..I’m glad you’re here honey.” Lily said as she walked back inside the church.
Luke looked around and felt lost. Noah had been right, Luke really did need him there. A tap on his shoulder made him snap out of his thoughts. He turned around and saw his older brother, giving
him a small smile.
“Hey bro. How are you holding up?” Aaron asked as he pulled Luke into a brotherly hug.
“I’ve been better..” he trailed off.
“Yeah.. me too..” Aaron said, putting his hands in his pockets. “I still can’t believe it.. I can’t believe he’s really gone.”
“I know what you mean. I keep thinking back to the last thing I said to him, try remembering the last time I told him I loved him..”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here the past week..” Aaron said apologetic. “Damian only called me three days ago.. Ok I finally talked to him about 3 days ago. I kept hanging up on him.. I know you and him are getting along better nowadays but I guess I’m too much like dad. I can’t forget what he did to our family.”
Luke looked inside the church, watching Damian talk to his mother.
“He’s changed. He’s the only one that could get through to my mum when.. when we found out. He’s really changed.. he acts like Noah is his son too.”
Aaron looked around.
“Yeah.. where is your other half?”
Luke smiled at the way his brother talked about his boyfriend.
“He’s in LA.” He said, glancing at his watch.
“LA? What the hell is he doing in LA? Why isn’t he here?” Aaron asked part confused, part angry.
“He’s working on his senior project for college. He’s making a film and his advisor somehow got his script to Jude Law, who liked it and wanted to meet him.”
Luke shook his head.
“No. Lunchtime tomorrow. But his advisor’s friend/contact/whatever in LA wanted to meet him too and it’s a great opportunity.”
“And you were your own self sacrificing self and told him to go because you’d be fine today?” Aaron guessed.
“I couldn’t tell him to stay here and miss this once in a lifetime opportunity just so he could hold my hand today.” Luke protested, trying to make his brother understand.
“Well.. I know that if I was dating someone right now.. I’d want them with me.”
“It’s not that I don’t want him here. I’d kill to have him here right now.” Luke sighed.
“You just don’t want him to miss his chance, right?” Aaron asked and Luke nodded. “Yeah I know you too well bro.” He said and put an arm around Luke’s shoulders and led him into the church.
Both boys were hugged and kissed by almost every member of the Snyder family. The priest walked up to Lily and once again told her he was sorry for her loss. Luke rolled his eyes at the man and felt his brother’s elbow in his ribcage.
“Behave.” Aaron said softly.
“I wanted to go over the service with you one more time, Mrs. Snyder. Make sure we have everything the way your husband would’ve wanted it.” the priest told Lily. “We want to make sure you are completely satisfied.”
Lily nodded and followed the man to the front of the church.
“This is all so fake. It’s so not like dad. He would’ve hated it.” Faith complained to her older brothers.
“Funerals are more for the people left behind than the person that died.” Aaron said, trying to explain it all to his sister.
“So? If it’s for me too I want it to be like dad was. No stupid flowers, or prayers or stupid music. Just dad.” Faith said, tears threatening to fall from her eyes, and got up and ran outside.
Both Luke and Aaron wanted to go after their little sister but Lucinda stopped them.
“Just let her be for a few minutes darlings. It’s hard on her too.”
Faith sat down on one of the stone benches outside the church and buried her face in her hands.
“It’s all wrong, it’s all wrong” she muttered to herself and her heart nearly stopped of shock when she felt a hand on her back.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Faith looked up and immediately threw her arms around her brother’s boyfriend’s neck.
“Noah! I thought you weren’t coming.” She said in between sobs. “I heard Luke tell Aaron..”
“Well I’m here now. Saying goodbye to your dad is more important than anything else.” Noah said, trying to calm the girl down by gently rubbing her back.
“It’s all wrong in there. Dad wasn’t like that. He didn’t even like flowers.” Faith complained a few minutes later.
“Funerals never are right. That’s why you have to be here too, so you can say goodbye in your own way you know?”
“You think you’re ready to go inside?” Noah asked the girl and held out his hand.
Faith took his hand and they walked into the church. Noah immediately recognised Luke sitting in the front row next to Damian. He wanted to call out his boyfriend’s name but figured that would be disrespectful so he waited until he was standing right beside him.
“Luke, look who I found outside.” Faith said, tapping her brother’s shoulder, sounding a little calmer than when Noah had found her outside.
“Noah!” Luke exclaimed and for the second time in the past 15 minutes a Snyder tightly wrapped their arms around Noah’s neck. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“Where else would I be?”
“What happened to LA?” Luke asked, pulling back a little but not letting go of his boyfriend.
“Change of plan.” Noah said and grinned. “We were waiting to check our bags in and I just couldn’t think of any good reasons to go anymore. Mind you, Mason did try to make me see but when we had to check in I grabbed my bag, changed in the nearest toilets I found and got a taxi here.”
“What about Jude Law? What about your project?”
“Mason went to LA on his own.. I guess he’ll explain things.. or not.. I don’t know. I don’t really care.”
“You idiot.. Luke said and shook his head in disbelief. “I’m glad you’re here though.. I guess I kind of need you here after all.”
“And I kind of need to be here too.” Noah said as he and Luke sat down. “In a way, he was my father too and I’ll miss him. LA will still be here tomorrow and the day after. This is more important, this is about you, me and our family.”
Latest page update: made by Bijou_
, Aug 27 2009, 1:07 PM EDT
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