It had been 2000 days exactly. 2000 days since he left me alone in bed, leaving behind just a note. 2000 days of holding my breath every time I heard a car drive up to the house. Technically it had been 3 years, 20 days, 4 hours, 15 minutes and 38 seconds since he left.

The military could keep him for up to 5 years in the service and I didn't know how I could cope with another 2 years or 720 days of this. Each passing second, each tick of the hand on the watch he had given me hurt. It wasn't the gut wrenching pain it had been that very first morning without him, but it was a dull throb that left me feeling even emptier.

I had read and re-read his note so many times that the ink was fading. Noah's last words to me were fading and there was nothing I could do about it. He had told me to love again, but how could I do that when my heart still ached for him? I know that he had probably tried to write me again, but the military mail was so slow and they were restricting it.

My mom had tried to keep me busy with the foundation. We had thrown ourselves into helping partners and spouses of men who had been drafted. I admit it helped some, but nothing could replace the empty void I felt without him.

Days were filled with just keeping busy. Watching Ethan, playing with Natalie and Faith, helping my dad with the horses. I remember crying that first night away from him. I had tried so hard to stay strong, stay positive and be brave...brave for the both of us. But I couldn't. I hadn't even realized I was crying until my mom walked into my room to say goodnight and I sobbed into her shoulder. I know it must have freaked her out. I hadn't cried in her arms since I was a child, but I couldn't help it. Noah...my Noah was gone. He was out there somewhere fighting. A slave to the cause. He didn't belong out there, he belonged with me. In my arms.

I had gone to Java once or twice since he left, but I couldn't stay. Every time I walked in, I hoped to see him at the counter with that smile he got on his face. He never was. And he may never...

Sometimes, I find myself thinking about little things. Holding his hand as we walked through Old Town. Cuddling up to him in his dorm room bed and watching infomercials at 3AM, making fun of the Sham Wow guy, laughing at the cheesiness of the Knocki Foot Pad ad. Watching his eyes light up when he got really excited about a movie.

Then there was the sex. Noah was the most caring lover. The way he would hold me as he made love to me, the way he would make me feel loved and cherished. He made me feel like I had never felt before. That night...that very first night I had given myself to him completely. I had wanted Noah to make love to me so bad, but when it came down to it, I was scared...terrified really. I had never been with anyone before him and he had been. He took his time, making sure I was comfortable with everything. Would I ever feel that way again? Would he ever make love to me again?

Sometimes I really wanted to hate him for leaving me alone. Hate him for putting me through this everyday. Every second. But then again how could I? He had done the honorable thing.

*****

Closing my eyes, I looked up from my laptop screen. I had been trying to read the same e-mail for the last ten minutes.

Today was just one of those days. Most days, I could get through and be okay. Not great, not bad - just okay. Though, other days I couldn't concentrate on anything...days when my mind was just stuck. No matter how hard I tried, I ended up shutting down the computer and just sitting there.

"You okay?"

I nodded and turned towards Aaron. He had only gotten back into town a few days ago and I know I had freaked him out. He had simply asked where Noah was and I stood sobbing outside on the driveway while Mrs. Thompson walked her dogs by.

"Yeah."

Aaron nodded and sat down next to me, "You want to talk about it."

"No," I shook my head. What was the point? I had enough of talking. During that first year that's all my mom wanted me to do.

"He loves you."

"I know."

"He'll come back to you," Aaron promised.

I shrugged. He couldn't know that. I couldn't know that, "I can't...I can't loose him, Aaron."

"You won't."

"I love him so much and if...fuck," I felt tears threaten to fall.

"Hey!" Aaron put a hand on my shoulder. It didn't help, "I know you do...he loves you too and he would want you to be happy regardless -"

"Don't. Please don't." I can't even bear to hear the words.

"Luke-"

I shook my head just as a knock came from the door.

Aaron stood up and gave me a sympathetic look. One that said I pity you. I hated that look. I had gotten it way too much from everyone.

"There's someone to see you," Aaron came back into the kitchen.

I shrugged.

"I think you're going to want to go see them."

"Fine," I stood up, I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. Some of Noah's old film class friends had stopped by before to talk about Noah with me. They were acting like he was...dead and he wasn't. My Noah wasn't and so I had refused to see almost anyone.

Slowly, I walked into the living room and what I encountered nearly took all the air out of me. Two Army men were standing near the window, both had their backs to me and I felt sick.

"Can I...can I help you?" My voice practically shook with fear.

"Yes, you can," Both of them turned around and I felt tears gather in my eyes and before I even had time to register what was happening, my legs were carrying me over to them.

"Noah," I know I sounded so lost, so disbelievingly I threw myself into his arms.

"Yeah," His voice, soft and deep floated through the air and I could only sob into his shoulder, feeling his strong arms wrap around me.

I squeezed tighter, never wanting to let go, "Noah? Are you....are you real?"

"I'm real, Luke. I love you so much," His voice held such emotion and I felt him bury his head into my shoulder.

I don't know how long we stood there holding each other. It could have been minutes, hours, days, weeks, months. All that mattered was he was back in my arms again.

A throat clearing broke us apart, but only barely. Noah wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled my into his side as much as he could, "Luke, this is Tommy. He was stationed with me."

"Nice to meet you," I said politely. I cared, I really did...all I wanted was to be alone with my boyfriend, to make up for lost time. To just sit with him, talk to him, hear his voice, watch him sleep, have him hold me, make love to me, laugh together, movie nights...

"You too," He smiled, "Noah, man I'm going to go find my boyfriend. I'll see you later," He waved and left.

"Are you...are you back for good?" I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He nodded and touched our foreheads together. From there the last three years of separation, loneliness, tension, frustration...everything seemed to ignite a fire and our lips crashed together.

Somehow, through the haze of everything I briefly noted that we were moving across the room, up the stairs and the next thing I knew we were in my bedroom with the door locked. Our clothes scattered and thrown where ever. Everything seemed to mesh together, his body on top of mine, his fingers roughly preparing me and then finally he was inside me. It was rough and hard and messy. Every time he slammed into me, I could feel it. He needed to know that he was really here. That we were really together. Finally our worlds came crashing together, taking us and sweeping us away into our own pleasure.

It all happened so fast and when we came down there was a moment when neither one of us knew what to say. I watched as he tied off the condom and dropped it into my little trash can.

"I love you," I whispered, resting my head onto his chest, "I really love you."

"I love you too," He said softly, his fingers stroked up and down my back.

He made love to me twice more that night. Slow and tender. In the morning we'd begin rebuilding our lives together. I know that there's a lot that we're going to have to deal with. Going off to war and seeing people die, shooting people, seeing so much destruction and pain will be hard to get through. We'll figure it out as we go along. The important thing...the only thing is that he's back. We have a future.