Thoughts by Ritalaura2000This is a featured page

Title: Thoughts
Rating: PG
Summary:In the past between when Maddie doubt about Noah for Henry suspect and the second nuke kiss
Characters: Luke, Noah, Maddie
Genre: Romance, Drama
Disclaimer: This site is no way associated with "As the World Turns", CBS, P&G, or Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann. This is not for profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Authors submit and write their own work.
Autor's Note: on the left there is some sentence, and on the right the thoughts

For the standalone 'Thoughts'

In Old Town

Henry's words won't leave my mind.
“OK. I get the impression, the distinct impression,
that the Colonel was afraid that there is
something going on between Luke and Noah.”


This can’t be true. Henry must have misunderstood the Colonel.
I just need to know the truth.
I NEED to know
Got to talk with someone but with who?
No. Definitely not!
If I ask that of him , I might offend him
Yes, Luke is my friend. He'll clear this up.
I keep thinking about all those times when I'd walk in and Noah and Luke would just clam up.
I even asked them the other day
'what did I just walk in on?'...
After a while, Luke finally said they were
Just having a disagreement about Noah's relationship with me.
Was that all it was...a disagreement about how quickly Noah and I became a couple?
Could Henry be right?
No! He must have misunderstood Colonel Mayer. Yeah just because Noah is neat and all, doesn't mean...
Surely Luke can sort out this all out.

For the standalone 'Thoughts'
"Going on?"

"Did you not understand the question Luke?"

"No. I understood. I just can't answer your question."


Oh God...there is something going on
between Luke and Noah.
Damn...why did I have to find out this way...?
I asked Noah so many times
to tell me what he was feeling.
Was my whole relationship
with him a lie?
Was I just his proof... his beard for the benefit of his father?

I'm beginning to understand now
why everything with Noah
seemed forced.


For the standalone 'Thoughts'


Did I do the right thing?
Would it have been better to confirm her suspicions.
But then that would mean outing Noah.
I've never seen anyone look that hurt.

Oh God, how hard this must be for her.
After all that happened with her and Casey.
And now this?

I told Noah he had to tell her.
I couldn't keep lying to Maddie.
She's my friend.

Now Noah has to face Maddie.
I doubt that he's ready for that.
I know I wasn't ready last year.
But the situation with Jade forced me
to come out to my parents.


Noah's so deep in denial...
He's rejected my offer of help more than once
But I’ll be there for him
I don’t know why exactly.
But for some unknown reason, he means so much to me.

In old town

"Maddie...Maddie. Do you not hear me..."

“I just I want to be alone. Don't touch me!"

For the standalone 'Thoughts'

Why she did say that and
why did she reject my simple touch?
Like if I was...
I've got to find out what happened?
Luke must said something to mess things up
I just hope that
it's just a mistake.
Something that I can fix with her.
I need her to keep peace with Dad.

At the Snyder Farm

“Hold on just a minute,
We both know that I’ve been nothing but honest since the beginning.
and it was you that come on to me.”


I advised him so many times
that there is no way to keep this secret.
It's not right for anybody...not me, not Maddie and especially not for Noah.
Maddie deserves the truth.
I told him right after our kiss
" you'll be honest with Maddie."


Why do I have these feelings for Luke?
Why I can’t resist him?
I don’t want to be...I CAN'T BE GAY.
I've got to fix this.

“I...I have to find Maddie, and tell her that I'm not like you!”

“Yeah, you're not like me. That's for damn sure.
At least I'm happy with who I am.”

I didn't mean to hurt him by what I said.

For the standalone 'Thoughts'
“Luke’s it’s not....”


He is so sad...and scared.
I know how he feels.
I know that it's hard.
How can I help him?
I just want ease his pain.
But Noah is the one who has to come to grips with who he is.


“I know that you have feelings for Luke that you wish you didn’t.
And that you wish you had feelings for me that you don’t.”

Maddie could be right about what I feel for her.
She is so beautiful
But Luke is so...
What I felt with her when we...
But when I just kissed him
I felt alive perhaps for the first time ever.
His lips.
His scent.
His tongue.
I can’t be.
I just need to fix this. I've got to get these feelings under control.
I've got to keep them buried deep inside.

“I am not going to be your proof that you are a man,
'Cause you really… you already are a man, Noah.
Just not the man he wants you to be.”

For the standalone 'Thoughts'

Just hold it together ...don't break down.
I've got to get her to see that we can get past this.
I can’t...I just can't be like Luke.
There is no way my dad is going to understand Maddie and me breaking up.
There is no way he's going understand that I'm attracted to a guy.


“But what about what it's doing to you?”

“It doesn't matter.”

It does to me.”

Yeah, right. Like... you...”

“Yeah. Like... for whatever reason... I still really care about you.”

For the standalone 'Thoughts'

Oh God that look...I can't bear that look he's giving me.
He's sincerely worried about me....
I just want to...don't give in..don't dare hug him.

At Al’s

“I think that the worst thing is
that part of Noah agrees with his father,
He thinks that being gay is a bad thing.
How do you tell to your father that you’re a bad thing?”


Noah needs to go with his feelings for Luke.
Being gay doesn't mean he isn't a good guy.
Noah is!
But being forced to play the son his father wants him to be
means denying all that he feels for Luke.
It’s like when I fell for Casey
I try to stay away from him.
But that was just impossible.

For the standalone 'Thoughts'

At Al's

“I don’t really know what you two are to each other.
But Luke is a really good guy and you’d be really
lucky to have him if you just let yourself.”


I could...
I just can follow my feelings, my desires.
Oh to meet his beautiful eyes
And feel his lips against mine.
To caress his back.
God, Maddie is right.


For the standalone 'Thoughts'
“The rules, the rules win.”

“ Yeah, and that would kill me; because my dad's my only family and without him, I'm alone.”

“No, you're not. You're not alone”


I treated him so badly.
Yet he's here for support me.
And all this from a guy
who when he touches my arm I nearly faint.

For the standalone 'Thoughts'
”So your dad thinks that you and Maddie are back together again”


Luke is so kind and generous and loving
He doesn't seem angry with me for this lie.

In fact, he seems almost...happy for me.

His lips are so inviting.
His eyes are so loving.

“I can be ....


“Yeah. I wish I could feel like this all the time.”

His smile.
He never smiled at me like that before.
And those beautiful blue eyes full of sparkle and even a hint of happiness.
Seems like that heavy load he was carrying inside is now gone.

“You can, and I am not trying to pressure you or anything.
But when you dad does come back
and you do decide to come out to him,
this feeling, this freedom.. just not hiding.
That will be normal.”


God what did I do to deserve Luke...
I just want to touch kiss him again...
I don't want to fight this any longer....
I'm attracted to Luke...another man...
And it's not a bad thing.

“I owe you.”


I could fall for him.
He comes closer
Oh let me feel his lips pressed against mine
I’m so...


“No you don’t.
euh, euhm... I got to, got to study for this literature exam. Ehm”

For the standalone 'Thoughts'

I want...I need to take him in my arms and kiss him again.
Could he be any more beautiful?
He knows...he definitely knows and it's making him nervous.
I just need to follow... to go with what I'm feeling.

His lips on mine
His ajar mouth
On mine
And now
His tongue
His caress
On my back
On my face
Could this be love...a true love?


Thanks to Sue-geezlouise for the edit

Latest page update: made by ritalaura2000 , Aug 26 2009, 12:53 PM EDT (about this update About This Update ritalaura2000 Edited by ritalaura2000

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Started By Thread Subject Replies Last Post
ritalaura2000 and Mine for this challenge....THIS TIME A STRANGE ONE (page: 1 2) 20 Aug 26 2009, 12:55 PM EDT by ritalaura2000
Thread started: Jul 29 2009, 2:06 PM EDT  Watch
.. Just let me know if I'm just crazy or this story works

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