It was still dark, not even a glimpse of light on the sky yet. Luke opened his eyes just a bit; he could tell something was off, maybe not wrong, but just not right either…

He turned around in bed and saw Noah’s side empty.

Ah… that’s wrong, he’s not here with me

He could hear some distant noises and got up and followed them to the kitchen. He leaned against the door frame and looked at Noah towering over the fridge. He could hear him humming an old tune he couldn’t quite recognize, probably from an old movie. Luke saw some of the things he’d already chosen for his midnight feast and chuckled. Noah turned around

“Hey, Luke… did I wake you up?”

“No, I missed you in bed with me. Are you sure you want to eat all that?”

Noah looked at the kitchen table and smiled looking at his choice of food. Did he really took all of this out of the fridge?

“I guess not… I couldn’t make up my mind so I just decided to get a bit of whatever”

Luke walked towards him and kissed him.

“I will take care of you when you get sick”

Noah put his hands in either side of Luke’s face

“You mean IF I get sick”

Luke looked at the food on the table and chuckled again

“Have you seen this? I do mean WHEN, hun”

“Ok, I’ll eat only part of it”

“Still a lot. Why are you up so early anyway?”

“Couldn’t sleep”

“What a surprise”

Noah laughed at that. He’s always been a bit of an insomniac. It used to be really bad, but since Luke was in his life it was just an odd night here and there. And those were never as hard as they used to be. He used to hate being awake at night when he lived with his father. Always thinking about the things that he could change about himself, how to be better… how to be a man.

Nothing to do with his sleepless nights now. He would just watch movies, or do some work, or look at Luke while he slept… nothing to worry about.

Luke got spoons and forks and sat down at the table, and Noah sat down too facing him.

“Just sleepless again or anything on your mind?”

“Just sleepless, you sure you don’t want to go back to bed?”

“I’m sure. So, where do you want to start? Chicken or chinese take out?”

Noah smiled at the picture in front of him. Luke looked amazing with his hair all dishevelled.

“Chinese take out for me”

“Here, I’ll heat it up for you”

“Don’t you dare, give it to me”

Luke passed Noah the box

“Cold? Come on, Noah…”

“Midnight snacks are always cold, if you heat it up it doesn’t taste like a midnight snack”

“Midnight snack? And here I though you were going to have a feast….”

Noah laughed again and Luke did too hearing Noah’s laughing.

“I guess I’ll have to love you anyway…”

“You are going to promise that you will love me forever in front of a bunch of people in a week, so you better mean it”

Luke smiled and stretched his hand. Noah held it with his

“I will…”

Luke looked at Noah eating cold noodles in front of him

“You don’t know what day it is today, do you?”

“It’s hard to keep up with all of your anniversary dates, go ahead…”

Noah smiled. Luke was always remembering things. Dates, meals with family members, outings, holidays, everything had a date and a special place in his heart.

“Do you think a clue would help you remember?”

Noah had thought about it 2 days before, that was Noah’s date to remember. The first kiss, well, not the first, they had decided to erase that one from their memories, but Noah secretly celebrated it every year…

They had both been interns for the summer in WOAK, and they both knew already that there was something, a different connection between them, even if Noah couldn’t admit it. It had been pretty obvious to both of them the day Noah almost kissed him while Luke tried to help him with his tie.

After that it had been hard for both of them. Noah had moved in with Maddie trying to please his father and burying everything he really was in the attempt. Luke had tried to avoid Noah, it was painful enough when he had to see him with Maddie.

He had tried to keep his distance, he really tried, but he missed seeing Luke, he missed talking with him… he lied to himself thinking that he was a good friend, but it wasn’t only that, and he knew it deep down. He missed his smell, seeing his eyes, his lips…

Luke smiled now looking at Noah

“You already know what I’m talking about, right?”

“I might need a clue, after all…”

That day there had been some kind of party at Yo’s, some college thing. He had been there with Maddie, and Luke was there with a guy, couldn’t remember his name. Noah hated seeing them together, even if they were just talking. He hated his life and felt more and more like a dead man walking.

After a few hours he saw Luke go outside and followed him. He had drunk a bit too much, he knew it, and also that he shouldn’t go after Luke. He had pushed him towards a wall, a hand on Luke’s chest to keep him from going anywhere

“What are you doing…? Let go of me, Noah”

“Who’s that guy?”

“What do you care, let go or I’ll shout…”

“Why are you with him? You two together?”

“No… you drunk? Maybe we should call Maddie and”

“I don’t want Maddie…”

He put another hand in Luke’s cheek

“Noah”

“Mh?”

“Pass me the ice-cream, you want me to tell you about it or you are just going to enjoy your cold feast and ignore me?”

Noah handed him the ice-cream and smiled. He could still remember the feeling of Luke’s chest under his hand, his heart beating fast at his fingertips, his breathing getting heavier…

His foreheads together and Luke’s eyes closing

“Don’t do that to me…”

“I need to…”

And bringing Luke’s lips to his, briefly at first but more after tasting him, no going back, now. He kissed him full, deeply, like there were no tomorrow, like he had wanted to do for months… Thinking “how could this be wrong? This is right, this is what a kiss should feel like” Regretting being drunk and wishing not to forget the next day, not ever.

But he felt something change, Luke wasn’t kissing him back anymore, and Luke’s hand in his chest was pushing him away, and there was something wet in his own cheek… He broke the kiss and opened his eyes to see Luke’s face wet with tears

“How dare you do this to me…”

“Luke…”

“That was my first kiss… the first kiss I give to someone I love even if I wish I could hate you… and you just made me hate my first kiss too…”

“But…”

“You are living with Maddie, you kiss her every time I’m around, you hurt me with your indifference every day… and now you kiss me like that… in an alley, in the dark, hiding… ”

Luke wiped his tears with the back of his hand and then tried to wipe away the feeling in his lips too looking at Noah

“You don’t know how much I wish I could hate you…”

And with that he was gone, leaving Noah empty and lost, and cold, very cold.

“Okay… a clue, we were in college”

“Like nothing happened when we were in college, Luke”

Luke smiled at him eating his ice-cream

That kiss had been Noah’s point of no return. He loved Luke, he just couldn’t deny it anymore, and couldn’t get Luke’s hurt face out of his mind, of his heart. So he did what he had to. He decided to be a man, to be honest with the people he cared about and to himself. So the day after he talked to Maddie and told her everything, about his felings for her and for Luke, about his father and him trying to be what the colonel always expected of him, about feeling dead for the last weeks. She was good about it, better than he’d thought. They broke up and Noah’s life started then. Two days later he was at Luke’s door

“You are not listening, hun”

Noah smiled

“Sorry, go ahead”

“You sure you don’t know? You knocking at my door, white and sweating?”

Noah laughed

“I wasn’t white and sweating”

“Yes you were. I opened the door and saw you. And you pulled me out of the room and into the corridor, where everyone could see us, and said”

Noah would never forget the other first kiss either

“I love you”

Luke grinned broadly

“Yes… you said that…”

“And you said”

“Don’t do that to me”

“Yes…”

Luke looked at their hands together, fingers intertwined and remembered

Noah standing in front of him, holding his hands. He was pale and sweating, and his hands were shaking.

“I love you”

“Don’t do that to me…”

Noah put his hands in Luke’s waist and pulled him closer to him, until they were so close their foreheads bumped together

“I am sorry for being such a jerk, and for hurting you…”

He still remembered what he felt looking into Noah’s blue eyes trying to distant himself from him, from what he made him feel

“I am sorry for spoiling your fist kiss… I never meant to do that. I just… I needed you. I broke up with Maddie, she knows about me and you…”

“What? You told her you…?”

“I told her I love you, and that I’ve felt attracted to you for months”

Luke saw people looking at them from the corner of his eye

“Let’s go inside… everyone is looking…”

“I don’t care… Can we please forget about the other kiss? Do you think we could just delete it?”

Luke smiled at that, it was such a silly thing to say

“What…? You can’t erase memories, Noah”

“Can you at least try?”

Luke saw the love in Noah’s eyes and caressed his cheeks with his fingertips

“Yes, I guess…”

“Good. This will be our first kiss, then”

Noah kissed him, more needy this time, Luke kissed him back not caring about the other students looking at them, some of them cheering, others making funny jokes or dirty remarks. They didn’t care, the world didn’t exist, only them, and their lips. The kiss deepened and they held onto eachother thightly, not wanting to lose what they just found.

When they broke the kiss they slowly opened their eyes and looked at each other

“I do love you, Luke, so much…”

“I love you too, that was…”

He smiled looking at Noah

“The best first kiss ever…”

“You knew, right?”

Luke asked Noah... he could tell he knew

“Yes, I knew”

“And you knew the day before yesterday too… when you cooked supper for me”

“I don’t know what you are talking about”

Luke smiled

“It’s okay, you can keep your first kiss anniversary and I’ll keep mine”

Noah laughed and Luke just pulled at his hand

“Deal?”

“Deal”

THE END