- Story by Jammi (hansisfan77) and Daniel-
- Song inspiration: "Wherever You Will Go" (The Calling)-
- Chosen by Harlee (NukeSupport)-














Luke lay on his tightly made bed, staring up at the ceiling. His eyes slowly adjusted in the darkness, and he found himself in his own room again, gradually making out shadowy shapes in the black that surrounded him. God, what a crazy dream! What was I dreaming about anyway? Luke struggled to remember for a moment, then gradually shifted his body about as he reached for the light on the nightstand. He pulled the little chain, and looked over when the light didn't turn on immediately. He pulled the chain again, a little harder, and breathed a sigh of relief as the room flooded with light.

He sat up on the bed, wondering why his basketball posters had been taken down. He got up and examined the walls, they had been cleaned off completely. He looked behind the dresser. Maybe they had fallen down. But they weren't there. With a shock, Luke realized his dresser had been cleared off. He opened the top drawer, and found everything that had been on top of the dresser neatly put inside.

The handle of his door rattled, and Luke turned as the door swung open. Lily walked in, a somber expression on her face. She reached over to flip on the overhead light then noticed the lamp next to Luke's bed was turned on. Luke stepped forward. "Hey, mom. What happened to my posters?" Lily didn't even turn her head in his direction. She marched over to the nightstand, staring at the light. She turned it off. Luke was confused. "Mom?"

Lily went back to the lit doorway and turned back for a moment, looking around the room. She paused for a moment as her eyes scanned over Luke's features, and a moment of recognition poured over her face. She shook her head, as though to clear it of an unwanted thought or memory, then stepped back into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

Luke was completely baffled. His mother had never treated him that way. He walked over to the door, reached out to the handle and was more than a little surprised when it jumped into his hand, pulling the door open on its own. Natalie was in the hallway, wearing a black dress, and she stared at the door for a second, more than a little frightened. Luke was concerned. "Natalie? You okay?" Without responding, Natalie reached up, grabbed the doorknob and quickly closed it.

"What the hell?" Luke listened to the sound of hurried steps rushing away. Then more solid ones, before they paused outside his door. Luke tried to open the door again, and was almost hit in the face when the door swung in suddenly. "Am I having a nightmare?" Parker looked in from the hallway, his eyes intense but not frightened. He gently pushed the door open the rest of the way, walking into the room as he pushed it against the wall.

"There... you wanted it open. It's open." Luke could tell that Parker was speaking to him... but he didn't look at him when he said it.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Luke walked down the stairs, wondering if he was being punished for something. He couldn't recall doing anything that would earn him the scathing scorn of his closest family members, though. Holden's voice rang out. "Girls, are you all ready to go?" There was a forced joviality to it, as though his father had experienced some great pain. Luke slowly opened the door to the kitchen and peered out as his sisters and cousins all flooded through the screen door. Everyone dressed in somber colors. Emma had obviously been crying recently, and Luke wanted to reach out and hug his grandmother as she walked past him, but he still wasn't sure what was going on. Was he being punished for something he had done? There was no way he could tell. No one would talk to him... Even Parker, who had at least said something to him, hadn't really been speaking to him. Wait... where's Noah?

Luke paced through the empty kitchen, still struggling to remember what had happened over the previous day. Was Noah all right?

A dark, rainy day. Noah's truck. Noah looked at him with unshed tears in his eyes. Tears of frustration and anger. "I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR ONLY CHANCE AT HAPPINESS?!!!"

Luke shook his head. What? What had happened? Where was Noah? Luke tried to remember the last time he had seen him.

***

Luke's laughter rang out across the small diner and Henry looked up with a startled smile at the sound, peering over the newspaper he was reading at the counter. He shook his head and turned back to the sports section. Noah and Luke were sitting in their favorite booth, Luke's ear glued to his cellphone.

"Reg! Reg! Listen to me. Everything is going to be alright. Look, I've already got funding for the hotel rooms. There are actually a lot of government agencies out there willing to lend a helping hand to anyone that will do anything politically.... I don't know. I guess they just don't like people sitting around and not participating."

Noah sipped from the milkshake sitting in front of him, watching Luke's animated gestures pensively. Luke smiled at him, reaching across the table to gently pull Noah's hand into his.

"No. Don't worry about that either. We'll have plenty of time! Look, just check the calendar two weeks in advance, and you can see what you need to do. I've written it all in for you..... Right."

Henry brought the bill over and watched humorously as Noah and Luke both reached for it. Noah grabbed it first, and Luke pulled back, still listening to Reg.
"They won't blame you, Reg. If anything, they'll blame me. Although its supposed to be a committee. You wouldn't know it to look at the books though. I'm doing most of the calendar myself.... No, I know. I just wish someone else would pick up the slack a little bit. I can't do everything... and I'd like to have more time for myself."

Luke thought he saw Noah move out of the corner of his eye, and turned to look at him, but Noah was already looking down again, focusing on his wallet. He sighed again, not liking what Reg was telling him.

"I'll do my best, but I can't promise anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm the secretary, treasurer, and public relations officer all wrapped up in one. I'll call the university and see what can be done."

Luke hung up his cellphone, folded it shut and slammed it into his pocket. Noah was standing up already. "That was... intense. You ready to go?"
It was obvious to Luke that Noah was upset about something, but he figured maybe he had had a bad day. Luke got out of the seat and pulled Noah into his arms. "With you? Anywhere."

***

That wasn't the last time Luke had seen Noah. He shook his head, feeling a little dizzy and light-headed. He was standing by the kitchen island and reached for it as he felt himself begin to fall. As he reached for it, he felt himself being pulled further and further away from it as he sank into a black void...

* * * * * * * * * *

It was dark. That was the first thing he noticed when he opened his eyes. The darkness surrounded him like a cloud and he was overcome with an overwhelming sense of sadness. He couldn't explain it... but it was there. His head ached as he lifted it slowly off the hard surface. He frowned. What was he doing out here? Why was he sleeping on a bench?

He stood and immediately felt dizzy. He stretched out his arms to catch his balance, but it was too late. He fell to the ground, but no one stopped to help him up. They didn't even ask him if he was okay. He thought that was strange. Usually the people in Oakdale were much nicer than this.

He shrugged it off and got to his feet. He felt disoriented... drunk... and nothing made sense to him right now.

"Can you tell me what time it is?", he asked a lady as she walked past. The woman didn't stop, and when he reached out to touch her, she didn't even flinch. He watched as she walked away from him, fading into the black. It made him frown... what was going on here?

He felt lonely as he walked through Old Towne, trying to remember what he had been dreaming about. The dream (whatever it was) had been so intense... so palpable, yet he couldn't recall what had happened. Everywhere he went, people ignored him. He couldn't remember ever feeling so lost and afraid. What was wrong with everyone today? And... where was Luke?

He stopped in his tracks and turned to lean his head back against a wall. When had he last seen him and why weren't they together now? He closed his eyes and tried to recall when he had seen him last.

A dark and rainy day. They were in his truck, and Luke was sitting right beside him. Luke had wrapped his arms around Noah's waist and they were talking about something. "I'm sorry, Noah. I want to spend more time with you... I really do."

Noah frowned. What had that been about? Surely that wasn't the last time they had seen each other, was it?

***

They were sitting at Al's Diner and Luke was on the cellphone... again, talking to Reg. Noah sat across from him listening to the conversation, a frown set on his face.

A part of him loved that Luke wanted to fight the causes. He was very proud of his boyfriend for taking a stand on gay rights. He wished he was more like Luke and more willing to stick his neck out there like that.

He was growing slightly annoyed by the constant phone calls though. Every time it seemed that he and Luke had a free moment, the phone would ring and he'd have to wait until Luke finished his conversation. Today was supposed to be about them, and for the most part it had gone great... until Reg called.

Noah fiddled with his milkshake straw as he waited for Luke to finish. The conversation was intense, and Luke was animated, moving his hands quickly as he spoke. He started to wonder if Luke got that excited about them anymore. It was a terrible thing to think and he knew it... but he couldn't help but wonder.

"That was... intense. Are you ready to go?," he asked Luke once he had hung up the phone.

Luke stood and pulled Noah into his arms. "With you? Anywhere."

***

Noah frowned. That wasn't the last time he had seen Luke. It couldn't be. The dizziness came swiftly and without warning. He began to fall into darkness, losing touch with reality as it was. He reached out for something to stop his fall but he missed the nearby car by a mile. Everything seemed so far away... terrifyingly far away... as he slipped into a void.

* * * * * * * * * *
Luke opened the door to Noah's truck peering in at him with an outrageous grin.

Luke: Hey! Thanks for letting us use your truck, Noah. This is gonna be so cool!

Luke turns to Roth, who is standing beside him.

Luke: Just put the signs in the back. We can sort them out when we get there.

Noah remains silent as he watches Luke and Roth put the signs in the back. His expression is neutral. His fingeers drumming on the steering wheel. Luke helps Roth with the large banner, then climbs into the passenger seat, waving to Roth.

Luke: (shouting out the door) You know where we're meeting up, right?

Roth nods.

Luke: Okay, see you there!

Luke closes the door and turns to Noah. He notices that Noah is pensive, too still, and not nearly as relaxed as he could be.

Noah: How was the meeting?

Noah put the truck in drive and pulled away from the curb.

Luke: Pretty cool. We're meeting up again when we get to Chicago. I got us a double room at the hotel we're staying at. I hope thats okay.

Noah: (surprised) Wait! What?

He frowned, had he missed something? Had Luke told him they were going to Chicago and he just blanked on it? At the next stop light, he turned to Luke.

Noah: Chicago?

Luke: Yeah. You remember. The convention. We kind of have to stop them before they put that stupid clause in the state constitution.

Noah: What clause?

He couldn't figure out what Luke was talking about this time. He was very proud of Luke for wanting to help the gay movement, but sometimes...
He pushed those nagging thoughts away and focused on the present. Luke was a lover. It was one of those things Noah loved about him that
he always wanted to do what was right. But sometimes he just felt like it was too much. When would they ever have time to just be them?

Noah: What clause are you talking about and why do you have to go?

Luke sighed, exasperated. He thought he had already explained this... or maybe that was to somebody else. He'd explained it so many times already.

Luke: I thought you already knew. They're putting a "marriage definition" clause in the state constitution. Or they're going to try to.

Noah looked at his lover for a moment and shook his head, focusing on the road again when the light turned green.

Noah: Oh.

He frowned and thought about what that would mean. It was wrong that they wanted to define marriage. What right did anyone have to say who could and who could not be together. It seemed stupid to Noah that anyone would or could stop people in love from getting married.

Noah: Do you really think they can make that clause stick, Luke? I mean... that goes against so many constitutional rights.

Noah paused as he carefully considered his next words.

Noah: I don't really want you going.

Luke: That's why we're going.... I kind of thought I had already told you about it. But I guess I forgot to. I'm sorry.

Luke paused for a moment, then looked back over at Noah.

Luke: If you don't want to go, I guess you can just drop me off then come back.

Noah: Why is this so important to you?!

Luke glanced over at his boyfriend, reached up with his hand and gently brushed his knuckles across the back of Noah's neck.

Luke: Noah... we've made so much headway recently. With New York and California. And then there was that backlash in Oklahoma and Arkansas. I just don't want the same thing happening here. I kind of want to make sure that we -- that everyone has the freedom to make their own decision about what is or is not marriage.

Noah glorified in Luke's touch, but it didn't stop the sadness that was settling over his heart. He wasn't even sure it was sadness. He understood Luke's reasoning. He did get why he wanted to go. He even understood why he should go. But he wanted Luke to himself for once. He wanted to be first, and not second, to the cause. He sighed, feeling angry for feeling this way.

Noah: Luke, I... I don't know. I understand that this is important to you, but can't you skip out on it just this once, for me?

Luke looked over at Noah, bewildered.

Luke: Noah, this is the most important thing I've done! I can't skip out on this. Not when it could mean so much. We have such an opportunity here, Noah. This could be the pivoting moment. When the world finally can face us in the eye and accept us as we are, and acknowledge that we are truly, genuinely in love, and that we, like everyone else, deserve a chance to be in a happy marriage.

Noah looked at his lover and bit his lip, Sometimes he hated when Luke made sense, because it made it hard for him to get his point across. Noah wanted everything Luke wanted.... but he also wanted Luke. Was that really too much to ask?

Noah: If that will make you happy.

His voice was soft as he continued to focus on the road. He turned on the windshield wipers to combat the rain that had started to fall and struggled to keep down his temper. He had no reason to get angry here. There was no reason to snap at Luke.

Luke stilled at the sound of anger in Noah's voice.

Luke: You don't.... want.... to have a chance for a happy marriage?

Noah responded quickly, snapping a little too loudly.

Noah: I never said that!

Luke: Then tell me what you're upset about.

Noah: Don't worry about it... It's not important.

Luke looked at Noah sadly.

Luke: It is to me.

Noah's bitter laughter surprised even him and he dared to turn away from the road for a second to look at Luke.

Noah: Oh you mean, I actually matter? I didn't think you cared about my feelings!

Luke felt tears come to his eyes as the sting of Noah's words hit him with full force. He leaned over and gently squeezed Noah's shoulder, trying to calm his fears even as his own built up inside him.

Luke: Yes, I care about your feelings! I do... and if I've been away too much, helping with this campaign... I'm sorry!.... But I can't....

Luke swallows back tears.

Luke: I can't let them take away my only chance for happiness. I have to do something!

Noah's voice filled the small cab of the car as he turned towards Luke, tears of frustration and anger shining in his eyes.

Noah: I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR ONLY CHANCE AT HAPPINESS!

Noah calms himself, with difficulty, and lowers his voice.

Noah: Why do *you* always have to do something? It's like everything is this cause for you. Is that all I was, Luke? Is that all I am? A cause that you have finished with and now you have to move on to the next one?

Noah was angry, and his tears spilled over his cheeks. His hands were tight around the steering wheel and he had to look away from the chocolate brown eyes.

Luke cringed against the window as Noah's shouted words flooded over him.

Luke: (quietly) Let's pull over, Noah. We should talk about this.

Noah nodded. He knew Luke was right. They needed to talk. He hadn't realized just how angry he was about this.

Noah: I just want you to choose me for once, Luke. Don't you get that?

Noah wiped the tears from his eyes with the heel of his hand as he tried to focus on the road again.

Noah: I want to be your number one priority and maybe that makes me selfish because I'm not thinking about anyone but me.... But Luke, I *need* you. Why can't you get that?

He was searching along the side of the road, trying to find a place to pull over, but in the meantime he thought it important that they keep talking.

Noah: I want to know that I am important.

Luke turned towards Noah, still a little stung and frightened, but trying to reassure Noah.

Luke: Oh god, Noah. You're the most important thing that's ever happened to me... besides this thing. And believe it or not.... why I want to do this.... It has everything to do with you.... I love you, Noah.

Noah looked at Luke accusingly.

Noah: You have a very weird way of showing that lately.

Luke stilled, reached back over and squeezed Noah's shoulder gently. Noah shrugged his hand off and glared at him. Luke withdrew his hand, holding it in his other hand.

Luke: Have you ever thought, Noah.... that I might like to marry you..... someday?

Noah didn't respond immediately, the thought for a moment, focusing on the road as he finally found a place to pull over. He put the truck in park and turned towards Luke, focusing on him completely.

Noah: How can we possibly think about getting married someday when we can't even make *us* work now, Luke? Doesn't that make sense?

Luke: We do work. We have been working. I'm sorry I'm always with the guys, but if you would just join us, you'd see how and why this is so important to me.

Luke unfastens his seatbelt and slides across the seat, sitting directly next to Noah.

Luke: Why do you think we aren't working?

Noah's eyes saddened as he depthened his gaze. His hand left the steering wheel and touched Luke's cheek, caressing it lightly before sliding away.

Noah: The fact that you just asked me proves my point. You don't even know what's wrong because you don't take the time to read me anymore. You don't take the five minutes to ask me what I want and how I feel. I know I can go with you to some of the rallies, and I try, Luke. I try, but you know me and crowds. You know I don't....

Noah's voice trailed off, and he sighed heavily. Luke sighed also, and it seemed for a moment as though their breaths had become one sound, one sigh of misery and regret. Noah swallowed back more tears as he tried to voice his emotions.

Noah: I feel like you don't know me anymore.

Luke leaned forward, and wrapped his arms around Noah's torso, pulling him against him.

Luke: I'm sorry, Noah. I want to spend more time with you... I really do. But I have to make sure that this freedom... that our true chance at happiness... is really safe.

Noah rested his head against the top of Luke's and tried to calm himself. He just wanted to be with Luke. He missed him.

Noah: That's just it, Luke. It's always "but" this and "but" that... and I'm sick of it. I don't want the excuses anymore, I just want you.... Luke. I want you to be with me, and we can figure out our future together. We can make our own happiness. It doesn't have to be about the causes. Who cares what people think as long as we are happy?

Luke silently cringed at Noah's words, they felt so right. He softened his voice as he replied.

Luke: Noah. I know that your father hasn't really accepted you for who you are.... but there are people that still care for us.... and love us.... They want to see us happy too.... and they want to recognize us... as a couple.

Luke gently caresses Noah's back.

Luke: And I know you think this is just a "cause", but its so much more than that. This is a.... a human right.

Luke struggles for the right words.

Luke: I can't be subhuman, Noah.... even if I were the happiest person in the world for doing it.

Noah: I don't want you to be subhuman, Luke. I know these causes are important. I just don't want them to be more important than me. I want what I say to matter to you and I want for you to care that I don't want you to do something. You asked me if I want to marry you someday.... yes. Yes I do. More than anything else in the world!

Noah pauses, trying to show Luke his emotions and true feelings in his eyes.

Noah: Do I want to grow old with you? Yes! More than anything in the world, I want that too.

Luke's gaze softens as he listens to Noah's words.

Noah: Do I want to have all the rights we should?... I do care, Luke! I do! And I try not to let my father's feelings and thoughts plague me... but don't you see....?

Noah pauses and takes Luke's hand in his own, shifting in the seat slightly so they are facing one another.

Noah: The most important thing I want is right here and I just feel like you are slipping away from me. I don't want that, Luke. If I lose you, I have nothing.

Luke gently smiles and ducks his head under Noah's neck, feeling his heart beating beneath his cheek.

Luke: You're not going to lose me, Noah. Everything that I've done... even when I've been apart from you... has been for you. You've always been at the front of my mind.

Luke sighs as he prepares to continue, but Noah speaks first.

Noah: Am I really? I want to believe that, Luke. I do. I want that so much but I just can't help but feel that for you -- that this is more important than us being together. Maybe that's stupid. Maybe I am just being insecure. Maybe I just don't think I'm good enough for you and you now feel this is more worth your time or something. But whatever I have to do to make that not so... just tell me please! Because I miss you.

Luke looks at Noah, worried.

Noah: Don't you miss me?

Luke pauses for a moment, trying to be truthful with his beloved.

Luke: Yes, I miss you! And then I think to the future when we get past all this bigotry... and I realize how much more wonderful our life could be if we could just be in love every second of the day, instead of only in secret. I want to be with you so badly, Noah, it hurts!

Noah: I want that too!

Luke: But if society won't let us be together, then I'm prepared to help change society so we can be!

Noah shakes his head, distraught.

Noah: Can we not talk about that for one minute?!!

Noah calms his voice, trying to focus on the beauty of the moment he is sharing with Luke.

Noah: I just want one moment... just one little stretch of time....

Luke nods slowly, settling back against Noah.

Noah: (quietly, almost at a whisper) Where it's just about you and me... and not about society.

Luke pulls away for a moment, and looks into Noah's eyes.

Luke: Okay.... I can see where you are coming from, Noah.... I really do.... There are days when I don't want to think about anybody else but us...

Noah focuses on Luke's eyes, trying to help him understand what he wants from him.

Noah: If you say "but" one more time...

Luke shakes his head, smiling serenely as he leans in towards Noah, a knowing smile across his lips... lips that inch slowly toward Noah's.

The screech of tires distracts both of them, and they look out the front windshield as two specks of brilliant white light zoom around the curve just ahead.

Noah: What the hell?

Luke: He's driving way too --

It all happened in a blur. The sudden crunch of metal grating against metal, The windshield glass cracked like ice, and Luke slammed into the far side of the truck cabin, hitting his head against the window and thudding into darkness. Noah, alarmed, moved toward Luke as fast as he could but the air bag deployed as soon as he had unbuckled his seatbelt, the sweet-sour scent of unused plastic surrounded him and pushed him back with force.... the back of his head cracking against the rear window. For a brief instant, Noah's vision became a solid wall of red, before he too sank into an oblivion of eternal night.

* * * * * * * * * *

Luke stared down at his own body, The crunch against the glass had told him what he couldn't piece together himself. He was dead. There was no way he could have survived that. Luke tried to reach up and touch his own face, grimacing as his hand passed through the body as though it were mist. Noah's head cracked in a puff of white plastic, and the sickening thud drew Luke's attention to the one person in his life he would have died to save.

"Noah?" He felt a sudden sense of loss. He was dead. Noah was dead. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. His eyes misted over and he felt dark shadows seeping closer around him. He was dead... shouldn't he be in heaven.... or hell.... or somewhere? Luke realized with a start that he didn't want to go. He didn't want to leave Noah, his life unfinished, so many things left unsaid... and undone. Luke moaned sadly as tears completely filled his eyes. Wait, do I have tears? Luke's thought triggered a sudden change, and his eyes cleared suddenly, the pain of sorrow slipping from the windows of his soul.

The moon hovered over the truck as the vehicle that had charged into them managed to pull away, its bumper scraping along the road as the vehicle weaved slowly across the road. Luke bent down over his own body, and moved forward to cradle Noah's head in his hands. Just as his fingers reached for the dark tendrils that curled around Noah's ear, a hand covered his own. It felt real... Not a wispy reality that he had difficulty interacting with. The hand that covered his own... was as solid as he was. He looked up suddenly, and was surprised to find Noah's familiar eyes looking into his own.

"Oh god, Noah! We're dead! We're both dead!" Luke's voice shook with regret and terror.

"I know," Noah said, pulling Luke to his feet. He had been tranfixed by the bodies too, unable to believe the sight before him. Luke's mangled body...his own split skull; it was so unreal yet here they were, looking down on their own demise.

"Luke," Noah said, taking his beloved's face into his hands. "I'm so glad that I found you...I thought I had lost you forever and I just couldn't bear the thought of not being with you." Noah looked around, nodded his head to their bodies. "We have something to resolve...I don't think we can truly move on until we deal with it...What caused this? What happened to us?"

Luke leaned into the ghostly warmth of Noah's hands, but he looked up sadly. "I don't know, Noah. I just wanted us to be happy... to be together. And you... you seemed to think I didn't."

"I just wanted you all to myself," Noah confessed. "I love you, Luke I love you more than anything...and I...I guess I didn't want to share you."

"Oh, Noah. I didn't want to share you either. But if we were going to have a life together..... How do you think I felt when your filming projects got in the way?.... I learned to love that about you. Even when they took you away from my side, I knew it was important to you, it was part of who you were."

Noah grew sad. He knew Luke was right. He had always been there for him, even when he had to be away for weeks at a time for some project or another. "I guess I never thought of it that way. God, Luke!" he cried, pulling Luke to him, their souls touching. He reveled in the warmth of it though he felt like he was going to cry. "I'm sorry, Luke, I was stupid and now....." Noah looked down again; uncertainty filling his sad gaze. "Luke, will you ever be able to forgive me?"

"Forgive you?", Luke asked incredulously. "For what? For wanting to be with me more?" Luke embraced Noah tightly, feeling as though they were merging into one being of beautiful light and warmth... the shadows around them held at bay.

"There is nothing more important than you, Luke," Noah said as he fell deeper into the light that would bind him with Luke forever. "You are it for me, you always were and I don't want to go anywhere without you."

"I feel the same way, Noah," Luke admitted. His forehead touched Noah's and the connection became even stronger. "I didn't mean to neglect you, you are the most important person in my world too. You are my world, Noah. You are mine and I'm yours: heart, body, and soul."

"Till death do us part?" Noah whispered as the light completely embraced them. He had never felt as close to Luke as he did at this moment. They were one soul, one light... reforged together slowly as though they had always been together but somehow forgotten it for the brief time they had on the earth. "I'm sorry, Luke, I'm so sorry."

"And I'm sorry too," Luke breathed. He kissed Noah's lips even as a smile formed on his own.

"What are you smiling at?" Noah asked, his own voice ringing with laughter.

"You said 'till death do us part'," Luke explained, his eyes glowing gold as light infused every feature of their bodies. "You seem to forget... we're already dead. Nothing can touch us now, and nothing can stop us from being together."